So this world doesn't care about me. Or anything, really. It's not clear that the human race is intelligent enough to survive. Nor that I'll ever be able to forgive myself for hurting and losing Tracy. All I've got left of my love for her is the part that's withered into hate and this paralyzing depression that won't let me even try to believe that I'm worth anything without her. Uhm so hello. I really hate my life and in secret I've been planning suicide for a rather long time now. I don't WANT to be happy without her. I feel like it's a sin to be happy, especially when I hurt her so badly. I don't know why I have to be so unhappy, but I know that I have to, and being such is depressing and just makes me want to die. Like the Young Werther, I wish I could just grow the balls necessary to write a simple note missing her and then shoot myself.