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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by frail, Oct 3, 2009.

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  1. frail

    frail Member

    You can call me frail, I guess, since that's the username I picked.

    I must warn you, I don't like message boards and I find it very hard to stay in one, so I am not sure how long I will stay here.

    But a bit about me:

    I am struggling with some horrible inner demons that I dare not speak about. They make me hate and despise myself and no matter what I try, I just can't get rid of them. So that is one reason why I want to kill myself. The other reason is that I'll most probably be jobless for the rest of my life. I finally started school - after years of not doing anything at all - this fall in the hopes that I could finally become a productive member of society. But it turned out that I have no motivation to study at all. And now I can only fear of how ever am I going to tell it to my parents. It wouldn't be nearly as bad to just go back to my old way of living by social aid, but the thought of having to tell parents that I don't want to study after all is just too much.

    So that's another part of why I feel like I just want to kill myself.

    And then there is religion. That is the final reason why I want to kill myself. I cannot bring myself to believe anything anymore, yet the old christian beliefs that have been hardwired in my brain tell me that I'm going to hell no matter what I do. So, it's really horrible to live with that kind of thought inside my head; every now and then wondering what's it going to be like to suffer for eternity...

    So that's pretty much all about me concerning my want to commit suicide - the reason why I am here.

    I hope that no matter how brief my time here is, that it would be not entirely in vain...
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF frail. I hope you find our forum one you can stay with and gain some support from us. It is nice to meet you. :shake:
  3. frail

    frail Member

    Thank you for your welcome, gentlelady, it is much appreciated. I too hope that this forum would be the one I'd stick with :)
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum :)
  5. Eyepatch

    Eyepatch Member

    I'm in a similar position... some of us just aren't born to live productive lives in today's society. I plan to try to find a lifestyle outside of society that will suit me. Maybe we can help each other.

    Edit: Oh and about the religion thing... I know I'm going to hell too so don't get mad about it. Instead you should celebrate it and make the best of it. Personally I'm looking forward to it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2009
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the forum. Many here suffer as you do. We share what is happening and it helps keep us from not feeling so alone. :hug:
  7. Tom

    Tom Member

    hello Frail. I'm frail too, trying to go on as well. Maybe you'll find something that interests you to do. I'm 48, and have spent my whole life just getting by, only earning enough to feed and house myself (rent). I think a lot of people in this world are frail, you're not alone. All the best to you.
  8. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :D
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Frail!! Maybe it's time to step outside of the herd so your not looking at the southbound end of a northbound herd..Maybe stepping out will help you to find a better way..There are many paths to follow, the trick is to find a positive one..We are here to help support you so don't be afraid to just jump in and talk or even vent your frustrations..
  10. frail

    frail Member

    Thank you everyone for your warm welcomes. I appreaciate them very much.

    I actually decided to start to work on my problems today. I don't know if it'll be of any help, or whether it will ever make my life less unbearable, but what else can I do but to try, or then give up and kill myself - if I could (which I don't think is a bad option at all.)

    First of all, I need to get my religious beliefs in order. It won't do me anything else but harm to think every day that I'm ending up in some kind of hell. For that I've decided to start studying the historical origins of the concept of hell in christian and other religions - thus hoping to shed some light to the matter by reasoning and observation.

    Then I really need to find something I can lean on. At least for the time that I will have to spend here - untill the day I either kill myself or die - I guess it would be best to try to make the stay here as nice for myself as possible.

    But yeah, I do think I will have to use your suggestion Stranger1 and talk (and vent) to others in similar positions. Because I don't think the "happy shiny" people actually understand how someone could ever be suicidal. And most of the times - I've found - they are even very keen to judge you if they get a hint of you thinking of killing yourself. All the blames and the moral baggage "Think of the people you leave behind. How selfish" and all that... But how selfish can one be to demand that I continue to live this mess I call my life just so that I wouldn't hurt others? How selfish is that really, I've often wondered...

    Well, now I'm off, got an appointment that I cannot be late from. Thank you everyone once again, for your warm welcomes.
  11. chloe123

    chloe123 Account Closed

    welcome to suicide forum i hope u found this site very helpful:cake::sparkle:
  12. NothingMan

    NothingMan Member

    Welcome , I'm new here too . You've found a good group here and you should keep coming back . I'm definitely down with you on the hardwired religious thing . Although I've been an agnostic since I was first forced into bible school at the age of 8 (which didn't last long !), I still worry about the existence of hell . I doubt that the human race will ever be free of the negative effects of religion but there are other schools of thought out there besides christianity . I recently met some Buddhists near my house and they're really quite happy with the path they've chosen although the catholics I know condemn them for it . I could suggest a book for you called "the power of now " by Eckhart Tolle . If you decide to buy it I think it could offer you some relief . It has nothing to do with religion but how to be happy with who you are right now and how that change in perception will change your life . There is a yahoo group just for his books . I will offer this - don't do anything rash . I know how it feels to just be plain damned bored and disappointed with oneself and ending it all could be almost as easy as getting up and brushing your teeth . But you have just as much right to be here as the shiny happy oblivious ones do damnit !!:barmy: Hang in there !:rockon:
  13. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums =]
  14. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    welcome to the forums.

    i hope we can help. just let me know if you need anything. :hug:
  15. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hello frail, tough you're not frail as you came here. It takes strengh to accept our problems and reach out for help. I'm glad to have you here.

    Wahtever happens, you can always contact us, we're here to help you. Hope you find what you need.
  16. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    hey buddy, welcome to SF, we are all here for you! x
  17. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums. I like your name by the way.

    I'm the same way about forums. This is the actually the first time I came back since I introduced myself several months ago. So don't feel bad about that.

    I can sort of relate to your problems. I'm a very weak willed person and I want to do great things, but I never seem to have the will power to get anything done. As for religion, I consider myself an atheist, for I can't believe in a real, loving deity anymore (and by can't, I mean I want to believe in God, but there are too many unanswered quitions to allow me to). Yet I still worry that I'm disappointing God, or doing something unforgivably sinful (I used to be Christian too by the way).

    Sorry for rambling about myself like that. I'm in a strange mood, hard to explain. so again, welcome to the foruns. I hope you find what you need here. :)
  18. kamrentailor

    kamrentailor New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I am kamren tailor. and this is my first forum entry here.. Since I am new to forum community and I feel I am in midst of my own learning curve. I feel sometimes, that I have to learn a lot, hope you guys have patient on me.Thank you for sharing the post.
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