I hope everyone is doing well and finding the support they need here. I'm almost 26 years old and I believe I'm an undiagnosed major depressive, dysythmic, or schizoid. I've had suicidal ideations since before I was 16, but have never attempted entirely because of the effect it would have on my family. I self mutilated some years ago and still bear many visible scars because of it. I have told very few their origin, but people often notice them and assume. I've all but given up on meaningful relationships of any kind, happiness, and any feelings of fulfillment. I continue my life as it is because I know nothing else. I make it through each day because I honestly don't know how not to. Everytime I try to fall asleep I plead to never wake up. Some days I imagine my family dying so that I may be free to do the same. I don't know why I'm here introducing myself in this way, but I signed up so that I may learn how others cope with perceiving their lives as I do. It's possible that this is just some twisted form of catharsis I'm allowing myself since I seem to be systematically eliminating most other outlets. I'm sorry for the monologue. Once again, hello, and I hope all are well.