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well first i need to start off by saying how embarrasing this all is. atleast no one knows me here though. I frequent other forums, some of which my sister or brother knows my username and i cant risk that ya know. well here is my story. im a 19 year old male and have plans of doing myself in. i have very specific plans indeed. I suffer from extreme anxiety, you know, the kind that makes you want to kill yourself..

well i dont know why im writing this, maybe just to tell someone. I just cant take this anymore. i know how cliche this all sounds but its the truth. i know people around me will suffer if indeed i do it, but that wont matter once im gone. i know this is selfish blah blah blah but i dont care, im fuckin suicidal!

christmas is always my favorite time of the year and i want to make it till atleast then. i feel so comfortable that time of the year. my plan is to score some heroin and rigs and then go from there. maybe on new years. maybe sooner. just depends on how soon i can get the dope. really i want to tell a psyciatrist(sp) but i dont want to be commited to some institution. i dont know where im going with this but it feels better that atleast someone knows. i guess only people who have been where im at will understand like you guys.

so tell me, what happens next..
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Hi. I know how you feel about maybe wanting to tell someone but not wanting to be committed. I'm so scared that they'll take me away and lock me up somewhere if I say anything. I'm glad there is a time of year that you like. What else do you like?
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