Discussion in 'Welcome' started by HouseBlend, Aug 17, 2006.

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  1. HouseBlend

    HouseBlend New Member

    Hi, there really is nothing wrong with me. I am healthy, I am young, I have friends, I have a good education and loving family, I am not fat, I am not poor. I am only slightly heartbroken. But I always feel so awful all the time.

    I know I should not and people tell me I shouldn't and I DO believe them, but I do not accept it nor change. I just am what I am and it's always miserable.

    It is a mindset I cannot get out of
    . I lie perpetually to everyone. Even when I do not need to, I do. Everyday I try to go a whole 24 hours without eating. I'm 18 and I do hurt myself. I've thought about suicide since at least 14. This morning I woke up and thought I could do it this evening.

    I have a boyfriend who will be coming home from training in the Army soon. It's been three months sicne we've seen each other. He really loves me and I never doubted that I loved him but in the last few weeks I have decided I cannot stay with him and have been waiting for him to come home so I can break up in person.

    Much of July, my birthday month, was filled with hospitals. Two grandparents were in the hospital (one still is), an aunt had a heartattack, and my cousin (my closest family member) who had cystic fibrosis for 31 years finally quit life after nearly 8 weeks in the hospital. I believe it hasn't hit me yet.

    Anyways, I just like being able to talk to people who don't know me because than I do not lie this way. My parents do not know anything about me. They are not bad parents but I do not get along with them and I never tell them anything. When my does mom catch the sight of cuts on me she blames my friends for being harmful and calls me ignorant. I'd just be lying to say I wish I had more attention, I know I'm the worse child between me and my older brother because I lie and yell and can't stand them. I am just scared suicide will be my last attempt for them to realize I want their help.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. Just because everything appears good on the outside doesn't mean it always is. Sounds like you ahve been through a lot of stressful things lately. Yhis in itself can make you feel the way you do. Have you sought counseling for your thoughts? Sometimes talking to someone can help. We will be happy to support you as much as we can. PM me if you need to talk. I will answer as soon as I can. :hug: Take care.
  3. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    :welcome: . As Gentle has said, things CAN appear to be all good on the outside but it definitely doesnt mean it always is. Hope to see you around.

  4. hey

    Welcome to the forum - I hope that you find what you are looking for here and that you make friends and find the site helpful :)


  5. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum :)

    I really do hope that you don't resort to suicide to show them you need their help and support. Afterall, it'd be too late then.. Is there any way you can talk to your mum now, tell her how you're feeling and what's going on for you? If you don't feel that she'd listen, maybe write it in a note? Even print out this post and show her it.. I guess that you dont have anything to lose?

    I hope things improve for you soon.. And all the best with the break up with your partner. Remember we're here if you need cyber support. At least here you can be totally honest with how you're feeling and what's going on.. as you say, we don't know you.. and one things for sure, we won't judge you here

    Please take care and let us know how things are going, if you want
    jenny x
  6. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Welcome! It can be hard when your parents don't notice the pain and you feel like you gotta scream and yell to be heard. I am willing to be here to listen. You can PM me anytime. Take care of yourself.

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