Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mudd, May 25, 2010.

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  1. Mudd

    Mudd New Member


    I'm not sure why I'm posting here exactly. Maybe I'm looking for consolence, maybe some companionship... not sure exactly what I want... However, I will share my problems with you

    Originally, I was going to post a bit of a life story of problems but it's too long so I've summed it up. :)

    1. I'm 20 years old and have never kissed a girl. --> I had always imagined myself having some kind of close relationship by this age (several relationships to be honest) yet being that kid whom everyone picks on in high school as well as the later years of elementary school have left me alone. I have never had any kind of a relationship with a girl and am at the point where I know I will die alone. I use the word 'know' a bit loosely because it is no longer appropriate to use the word believe. Dieing alone has become my default position and I need evidence to disprove this , none of which has come along.....

    2. I have no friends. In elementary school and highschool I had a group of people I would frequently 'hang out' with. However, in this group, I was always picked on I cannot count the number of times I was called stupid, or gay (which in highschool is considered an insult) and ugly. No matter how "jokingly" these things are being said, it is just insulting. No friend should ever be calling you any of these things. I finally got sick of it all in grade 11 and distanced myself from these so called "friends". To this day I am still alone. To sum this and point 1. up, I've come to the conclusion that these preconceived ideas I've had since being a child of having friends, girlfriends, getting married and having kids is just a delusion. Perhaps it is normal for other people, but not me. I will be alone forever.

    I would love to reject this notion however, I refuse to lie to myself. Until I am presented with proof , I cannot rationally believe that I will find someone. And I can see the advice coming now "O, you won't die alone don't worry".... You cannot say that !!!! You have even less proof than I do!!

    3. Now , the previous two, believe it or not, I am fairly capable of coping with. I enjoy my own company, you could say, and don't mind being alone most of the time. Of course, I have my depressing moments however I seem to manage.
    The third and most mundane reason is why I am here. I just feel too much pressure to continue. I was unable to find a job this summer and have resorted to working for my old employer who I will just refer to as the shit hole. I have not worked many places but god... the thought of working at the shit hole for another fucking three months is really too much for me. I was so miserable there the first summer, I was miserable there the second time, and I just feel like it is really too much for me to handle right now. I know there are logical alternatives to this but just given the way my parents are I can't just not work. Nor can I wait around any longer for any of the other jobs. I also don't expect to hear back from the places I have applied to ( I have been applying for months now becaus this is a coop work term, however, have had little to no responses).

    Well this is my story. I would love to hear your input. Just as a side note --> this is a bit off topic but it has been on my mind. Life is clearly meaningless. I consider myself an atheist and have rejected the notion of God, heaven, and hell. It is because of this that I believe that we all live and we all die for no real purpose. If this is the case (and follow along with me on this one please), why not commit suicide? If you are even just slightly unhappy with your life , why not kill yourself?

    So yeah,..... fuck my life... thank you for reading and sorry for the long post and spelling/ sentence structure errors (I edited it a couple times and think it is at least fairly readable)
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2010
  2. isocial

    isocial Active Member

  3. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Don't mind the troll, Welcome to SF.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF.....hope you keep reaching out here .....
    if you are sicidal you need to see a doctor for help...
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