Hello, I'm new to this type of forum...I have just enough perseverance to try something like this for some kind of help.. I'm really just at the end of my rope. I hate my job, my love and social life, my family completely neglects me, I have no friends really at all anymore, I just got out of a relationship, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhat of an alcoholic... I don't really talk about my suicidal feelings or being depressed to anyone, especially my mom, who's done everything unintentionally within her power to completely screw up my head. I've always kind of been stuck to stew with my horrible feelings for the last ten years, by myself (I'm 21). I've been/lived in a mental hospital three times when I was younger. Didn't do much to really help me at all. I've taking all kinds if different meds, as many as 11 a day. Nothing. I have the world's worst luck, it's widely accepted with everyone I know, and the last three weeks have been the worst three weeks of my life. I'm not sure what else to do...I mean I don't want to die really, I just want things to improve as effectively for me as if I were dead, luck and emotion-wise. I've worked really, really hard to try to be a good person to the people I know and love, even the ones who use and abuse me, but I'm literally to the point of going crazy. I lash out at everyone, I can't control my emotions or thoughts or anything.. So please, if anyone can tell me any legitimate ways to seek help without any more medication or anything generic (I've wasted years of my life pursuing these solutions), I'd really appreciate it. I don't know what else to do at this point, other than just die.