I'm so tired of this pain. I am 38, and I have struggled against depression for my entire adult life. I honestly loathe myself, and the closer I look at me, the worse the picture. I feel that if I can't find a way to be okay with the bad that I've done and the meaningless nature of this life, there's not much reason to keep going. I've tried to wait until my parents are gone, but I really don't know if I have it in me to wait much longer. I guess I just want someone to talk to. I'd like to feel more human right now.