Hi. I signed up here simply because I don't want to be alive any more. Sounds a bit weird when you say it so bluntly. My story - I'm 17, first of all. I've had bulimia for 7 years and recently developed what I strongly suspect is anorexia (I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months. Whatever the reason, it ain't healthy). I've destroyed my teeth, I'm thin, I'm cold, I have scars dotting my body and I've tried to commit suicide twice, when I was 12. One was cutting (I was 12, I didn't realise how deep you needed to go and I freaked. Still have the scars though) and the other a severe drug overdose of a rare type of medicine for IBS which I had after a long-term illness when I was younger. I wish I'd had a life that meant I NEEDED to commit suicide. I shouldn't feel this bad. I was bullied in school, and while it was very severe etc etc it's not like I was abused as a child, or anything "that bad" happened on the level that some people have had in their lives. I feel like I shouldn't feel as bad as I do and I just hate living at the moment because every single second hurts. I don't feel good about myself, not my personlity or particularly my body. I've damaged my body horrifically through my ED and I'm not even strong enough to stop. I'm always going to be ill. I'll probably never be able to have children. My life is rapidly diminishing in what I'll be able to do and achieve, and I jsut... Sorry, I must sound ridiculous and I am so, so sorry. I just want to understand why, I just don't get it. THere are so many people with so many stories, people who really have problems and pasts that are so much worse and they're surviving. I don't even REMEMBER half of my past, it's just blotted out. I'm sorry. I jsut need to talk to somebody who understands what it feels like to wonder if anything is worth it any more. Lex.