Hi, I am a long-time sufferer of depression. I started having suicidal thoughts 20 years ago when I was smoking a lot of marijuana. Since then I have had plenty of thoughts about suicide but in more of a romantic way: I knew I would never do it. But today, for the first time in a long time, I actually wanted me gone. I don't smoke pot anymore (I haven't done it in awhile but I do still consider myself an addict) but now I have nothing to go to to take the pain away. I've tried a few psychologists and none have been right. I ache for the loneliness to go away.