Discussion in 'Welcome' started by azure, Oct 12, 2010.

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  1. azure

    azure Member

    Hi, I am a long-time sufferer of depression. I started having suicidal thoughts 20 years ago when I was smoking a lot of marijuana. Since then I have had plenty of thoughts about suicide but in more of a romantic way: I knew I would never do it. But today, for the first time in a long time, I actually wanted me gone. I don't smoke pot anymore (I haven't done it in awhile but I do still consider myself an addict) but now I have nothing to go to to take the pain away. I've tried a few psychologists and none have been right.

    I ache for the loneliness to go away.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i am glad you are here then as you are not alone anymore you will meet lots of caring people so when ready post okay. take care
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello azure, Welcome to the forums.. You have come to the right place to share your pain.. When you first sign up things can start out slow So keep posting.. I just wanted you to know you are heard..
  4. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    Hi azure, your post could have been written by me. i had the words to metallica's fade to black on my wall aged 15. it takes time to find a good psychologist so please persevere. you have certainly come to the right place for help and support.
  5. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    hi and welcome ! there is always someone here to read and listen and ready to support.
  6. azure

    azure Member

    Ta heaps for your welcomes. This place feels good.

    I have come to realise that perhaps the suicidal thoughts are a coping mechanism. I have been going through a lot lately: a divorce, difficult relationship with one of my children, and I've fallen in love with someone who is totally unavailable. The depression has been coming regularly and more noticeably. I'll have a while where I feel absolutely fine and then be totally incapacitated by it.

    I sort of feel like the loneliness is inbuilt. It comes with depression territory and I'm not sure if I am always innerly lonely or it's just the depression talking. I am always seeking stuff to get me away from reality.
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