Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by oathy, Oct 17, 2010.

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  1. oathy

    oathy New Member


    I hope you dont mind me posting here I would dearly love some views from people its a bit of a weird situation.

    ive been unwell since my early teens it turns out I have a rare Genetic distorder its one of these things that hit at puperty and just basically messes everything up.

    my teens,20's and most of my 30's have been spent in and out of hospital.
    this was because in the early days they misdiagnosed me so the condition was allowed to get a lot lot worse.

    my doctors told me about 12 months ago I would have a very poor quality of life.im on morphine for the pain because ive got a wound running up my back thats been open for 9 years and it got infected with MRSA that they cant clear.

    all my friends dropped me my family are great but even i can see this is no life for them either they are always worried and upset about me.
    the social workers ive had are a total joke there was one lady I really connected with but she left owing to stress.

    the last few months ive just thought long and hard about would it be better just to end my life.ive 100% got all the morphine I need am i wrong thinking this is the only way out?

    the entire Benefits things with the goverment is the final straw because my condition is so rare im worried sick about the entire thing.(when i was misdiagnoed for those years it caused bad trouble with that aspect) even though it was sorted out when they finally found out what was wrong.

    i just feel at this moment in time Im a total waste of air and a parasite somethings changed in me the last few days because now it seems im just waiting for the right time to do it.I spoke to one of my main doctors last week how I was feeling he totally shut me down and basically said not to mention that again 'if you really feel like that please dont tell me'

    I cant say its even depression the non stop pain just really makes you want it all to end and with all the extra stress thats going to be added to people that are unwell i truly dont see the point in trying to even just battle on anymore.I just wish to god when I had the septicima 2 years ago I had died then it would have been so much easier all round.

    im sorry if im not making sense
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation. You are a worthwhile person and not a waste. If a doctor said that he didn't want to know how you feel, it could be that he sees lots of patients with the same problems and the experience is too stressful for him to handle. Or it could be because he is an uncaring person.

    It could be that there are other treatments that could be effective that you haven't tried. I would recommend acupuncture for the pain management and in general.

    It could be that a meditation practice could help you a lot. Maybe you could try?

    I hope things get much better for you and I hope that they will!

    Also please edit out the info about the method you are contemplating! Talking about methods can be very bad for the other peple using this site!
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2010
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    MRSA is treatable with antibiotics it is fought everyday in the hospitals check out the new meds okay I amsorry you are in such pain as it does decrease ones ability to cope. Your death would only cause increasing sadness and pain to the ones that love you. Your life is meaniful if only that others who have this rare disease know they are not alone in it. Have you tried reaching out to others with the same disorder and getting their input into what has helpthem
    Glad you are here and reaching out so others who can relate reach out to you.
  4. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    You are a worth while person who deserves care as much as any other patient. The fact that your doctor would say that to you sickens me. ANYONE in the health care profession should not only care about your feelings, they are obligated to no matter what. Even a dentist has to listen and help if a patient confides those thoughts to him.

    I believe you should hang in there. I'm sorry life has been so hard for you :(

    So have they only recently found out what was wrong? And what do you mean by the government 'Benefits' thing?
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