Hello...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by johnnyo, Oct 30, 2010.

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  1. johnnyo

    johnnyo Member

    Hi everyone. Well its been about 15 years of so since I was on a forum like this. Back then was in depression, suicidal, got therapy, drugs, etc. and eventually pulled out of it. Here I am again. Not sure exactly how I've gotten back in the same place, but its really happened fast it seems, and I'm really not inclined to do much about the place I'm in.

    I'm 41 now, many would say I've done well in my life, career, etc., but really all that doesn't seem to matter when it comes right down to it. I'm not really sure why I'm here, honestly. Obviously I've sought this forum out, and I guess that must mean I'm trying to reach out, though I don't know why.

    I could try to explain what's going on, but I'm not sure of the point of that either. Basically, I'm really tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I don't seem to have any direction in my life anymore. No passion, no motivation. Pretty much feel like a zombie going through the motions. Just numb, every day.

    I've wondered, like many others I'm sure, why people get so upset about someone wanting to take their life. I'm a firm believer in personal choice and personal responsibility, and so I think that we all should be able to make our own choices in life without someone stepping in to try to stop someone from making personal choices. I suppose this is the society we live in, but it is because of this that I fear talking to people about how I'm feeling.

    Do I have people that love me, care about me? yes, of course I do, including my wife, my parents, brothers, a few friends. But at the end of the day, it's me that is just wanting to stop. Selfish? maybe. But aren't we all responsible for ourselves, ultimately? If we have the love to share, we all will try to help those we love. I've done it for others, and people have done it for me and I'm sure they would be there for me now if I wanted it. But I guess I don't, and so I don't talk to them, which just isolates me more.

    I do know that I really don't care if I was to leave this earth prematurely. And I'm not really looking for anyone to talk to about that. Maybe what I am looking for are some answers, some clarity. I'm not sure why I'm here. What value I have to bring to the world. I feel like I'm lost and have no direction, and thus I just don't see the point of getting up every day (even though I do like clockwork to open and operate my new business....but that's a whole other story).

    Anyway...I realize I'm just rambling here. Thank for reading if you've made it all the way through. Sometimes it just helps to write/talk about things.
     
  2. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    ramblin is ok. I'm 45, dropping off a bit myself. Hard to keep going sometimes.
     
  3. johnnyo

    johnnyo Member

    That's kind of keepin' it short and sweet. "Tough to keep going." That's pretty much how I feel. Used to feel like that here and there, but its pretty constant now and it would be nice to just stop. For me at least, I feel like I can't just stop, and I guess that's because I feel like I'll let people down. How ironic....won't stop becuase I'm afraid of letting other down but in teh meantime its killing me.

    What's your motivation to keep going?
     
  4. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'd say work commitments, and family. Cant type too much, bad shoulder issues.
     
  5. johnnyo

    johnnyo Member

    BTW Logdork.....those are some great photos you have. I take it you're a log builder. That is very cool. Have wanted to build my own log home someday and have been slowly gathering the tools to do so. Not sure if/when I'll ever get around to actually doing it, but it's been a dream. Looks like you do really nice work.
     
  6. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums, nice name.
     
  7. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's been a great job, been on it a couple years. Just 3 miles from my place.
    I do wildlife work in the spring and fall, so the album is mostly of those.
     
  8. johnnyo

    johnnyo Member

    Thanks Johnnyc. Pretty good name yourself. :)
     
  9. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Be careful about gathering tools, it can be an addiction ;-)
     
  10. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It starts innocent enough, a guy needs a drill...
    Then you realize you have 7, and still cant drive past your favorite pawnshop.
    My god! there's an enco "Hot Deals" flyer at my feet as I type.
    I ordered about $200 in lathe tooling today, I gotta get outa here!
     
  11. johnnyo

    johnnyo Member

    yeah, I know about that one. Think I'm well into that addiction. I'm the most prepared person there is. Now just need to actually use the tools.

    Going to sign off for tonight....too tired to keep staring at the computer. Take care everyone.
     
  12. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    tc, later.
     
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