Hi, I'm Jennifer, and I am a recovering addict. I have been in recovery from my addiction for a year, and recently I had a relapse after 10 months of sobriety. Thankfully I am not a chemical addict but my emotional withdrawal practically is making me want to be. I discovered since my relapse that there is a huge level of pain that I had never felt before. I made an intelligent decision with doing something to make it extremely difficult for me to relapse again. Thank goodness, if I hadn't I would have lost my sobriety again last night. I have 18 days sober today. Because I couldnt lose my sobriety I have been becoming suicidal instead. The pain is to much. I can't escape through my addiction. I want to die. I have never experienced this before, I never had to face these feelings. Being suicidal like this is an entirely new sensation. So I decided that I needed to find an additional source of support... so here I am.