Hello, Where to start really... I've been suffering from depression for a few years now for reasons i'd rather not get into right now,seen a couple of therapists but it never lasts for one reason or another. The past 8 months have been the worst of my life,i've had to take time away from my course as i began to have suicidal thoughts and being stuck in a lab with dangerous chemicals all day wasn't good. For a while things seemed good,my girlfriend and I were happy the suicidal thoughts started to go away i was happy. 6 weeks ago things went from ok to horrible. My dad was diagnosed with emphysema many years ago and had battled it for over 20 years. It started to take its toll and he got gradually weaker,unable to walk,eat or even go to the bathroom on his own,it was very hard to watch. His body finally gave up and he died. Three days after his funeral,my best friend of 16 came to my house to see if i was ok,he collapsed and died later that night (he was born with a heart defect). My mum has been diagnosed with what killed my dad as well as throat cancer. I have also been diagnosed with melanoma,but it has been caught early. To top it all off my girlfriend and best friend decided to break up with me after 8 years out of the blue without an explanation and has been telling everyone how immature,arrogant and unsupportive i was. She was everything to me and i did everything for her and supported her writing and poetry degree when not even her own family did,i was there for her at 3 and 4am when she lost her aunt and grandmother and she was upset She was the only person i could speak to openly,but she has decided she doesn't want to be friends and has told her friends she would be happy if we never saw each other again. I was incredibly lucky to get two amazing friends but now i don't have either of them and it's so hard. Suicidal thoughts have come back in abundance and having knowledge of hard to xxx is making temptation unbearable,dreaming about her every single night (even though i rarely dreamed of her before) makes me not want to wake up,when i do it hurts that much more. That way my mum wouldn't have to know that i'd killed myself,at least that's the "logic" i'm using...... These 6 weeks have been a never ending nightmare,thanks for listening to my story.