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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Hibino, Nov 10, 2010.

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  1. Hibino

    Hibino Member


    Where to start really...

    I've been suffering from depression for a few years now for reasons i'd rather not get into right now,seen a couple of therapists but it never lasts for one reason or another. The past 8 months have been the worst of my life,i've had to take time away from my course as i began to have suicidal thoughts and being stuck in a lab with dangerous chemicals all day wasn't good.

    For a while things seemed good,my girlfriend and I were happy the suicidal thoughts started to go away i was happy. 6 weeks ago things went from ok to horrible. My dad was diagnosed with emphysema many years ago and had battled it for over 20 years. It started to take its toll and he got gradually weaker,unable to walk,eat or even go to the bathroom on his own,it was very hard to watch. His body finally gave up and he died.

    Three days after his funeral,my best friend of 16 came to my house to see if i was ok,he collapsed and died later that night (he was born with a heart defect). My mum has been diagnosed with what killed my dad as well as throat cancer. I have also been diagnosed with melanoma,but it has been caught early. To top it all off my girlfriend and best friend decided to break up with me after 8 years out of the blue without an explanation and has been telling everyone how immature,arrogant and unsupportive i was. She was everything to me and i did everything for her and supported her writing and poetry degree when not even her own family did,i was there for her at 3 and 4am when she lost her aunt and grandmother and she was upset

    She was the only person i could speak to openly,but she has decided she doesn't want to be friends and has told her friends she would be happy if we never saw each other again. I was incredibly lucky to get two amazing friends but now i don't have either of them and it's so hard. Suicidal thoughts have come back in abundance and having knowledge of hard to xxx is making temptation unbearable,dreaming about her every single night (even though i rarely dreamed of her before) makes me not want to wake up,when i do it hurts that much more. That way my mum wouldn't have to know that i'd killed myself,at least that's the "logic" i'm using......

    These 6 weeks have been a never ending nightmare,thanks for listening to my story.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is no wonder you are feeling so awful with all you have been through...and I am floored by the behavior of you ex...how cruel!!!! Please know that we are here to support you and that there are many of us who understand loss and grief...also, have you considered talking to a professional? what you are going through is quite a lot and you should not have to deal with this alone...please PM me if I can help in any way...welcome and so glad you decided to share with us, big hugs, J
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your ex is so cruel i think you need to stay clear of such cruelty. I hope too youcan find a therapist to help you with all your losses some grief coucilling would help you. If your pain get to much please call crisis line or go to hospital explain to them what has happened and how you fee so suicidal now ask them to help youokay. No you should not have to deal with this all alone. I am glad you are talking here and know you are being heard okay. we feel your sadness and pain and want you to be safe.

    You will find another gf one who would never harm you like this it is better she is gone now so you can find someone who truly cares and loves you
  4. Hibino

    Hibino Member

    Thank you for your kind words,nice to see there's still a few nice people around,willing to listen to a stranger :)

    Yeah,i never thought she would do that,especially after everything we've been through. If anything she was the unsupportive one. Glad i've found somewhere to express myself without having to worry about keeping up a facade,it's 3:30am here,seems like another long night :sad:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you can always speak here okay and not worry abt being judged In time with help and support you will get through this pain and start again you will. Keep talking okay as others will care too I am sorry you have had to suffer so greatly
  6. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    Hello, welcome to SF.

    Sorry you are going through some terrible times, im always here if you need somebody to chat to, as are many of us too. :IrishDoll:
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