D
I'm not too sure what this message shoudl go under so ill call it depression i just wanna see if theres anyone who can tell me something i might be missing. It's hard to judge know where someone is coming from so im gonna give you some backstory it may be a little much but if it helps...
I just turned 19 a couple weeks ago. i live with my dad in a house he rents and he hates it here.
I was moved to michigan from massachsetes i think in 1999 at the end of 7th grade because my grandmother couldn't take care of me anymore (this was a couple years after my grandfather died). I was told it was only gonna be a summer thing but it was a lie. i was kinda oblivious to everything then and very spoiled, but that changed drasticly after i moved.
It hit me when i got here when i got a letter in my "new room" that said Welcome home love, your new family or some crap like that on it... Well those years i first experienced depression and during that time , my step mom and left my dad and my younger step brother had moved out. and im shy, so i stayed in my room mostly i couldnt really trust anyone , my dad and step mom stayed in their room mostly and were probably too immature to be parents. i feal mostley that iv parented myself. I didn't feal any emotional attachment to my step mom or step brother and when they left, my dad didnt get why. but it was caus i really didnt know them most my life. i didnt even really know him.
so i was in and out of depression for a couple years...then i started makign more friends and getting into drama and went thru some mild stuff... it was bad but it wasnt it was getting better...but then i started losing friends... and that was tuff on me since its hard for me to make friends. then 3 years ago halfway thru junior year after being sick for a month i had almost like a nervous breakdown...i started skipping school and staying home...no one caught on for 2 weeks and it led to my eventual dropping out.
Then i got into my first serious relationship. for 3 years. with some big problems some little ones and some short times apart. lets jsut say other people had to much of a say in our relationship. She left me a couple weeks ago again something about not having a job and not having my ged yet wich she never worried about before..but it sounds a lot like her mom but whatever. anything i'd ever want in someone she was it. I just can't substitute what we had for anyone or anything else.
I cant afford counseling anymore and i think medication is just avoiding the problem so i stopped taking it...
I can't go to my friends. a lot of them dont bother me with as it is. but for some reason when i show weekness...they ignore me and when i push it down and try to seem happy...they think everything is okay and think im content and ignore me.
i dunno if any of that made sence :sad: and there are a lot of detials i left out. if anyone has any thoughts or wisdom please share im very stubborn with ideas on how to deal. but i'll definently listen! :smile:
I just turned 19 a couple weeks ago. i live with my dad in a house he rents and he hates it here.
I was moved to michigan from massachsetes i think in 1999 at the end of 7th grade because my grandmother couldn't take care of me anymore (this was a couple years after my grandfather died). I was told it was only gonna be a summer thing but it was a lie. i was kinda oblivious to everything then and very spoiled, but that changed drasticly after i moved.
It hit me when i got here when i got a letter in my "new room" that said Welcome home love, your new family or some crap like that on it... Well those years i first experienced depression and during that time , my step mom and left my dad and my younger step brother had moved out. and im shy, so i stayed in my room mostly i couldnt really trust anyone , my dad and step mom stayed in their room mostly and were probably too immature to be parents. i feal mostley that iv parented myself. I didn't feal any emotional attachment to my step mom or step brother and when they left, my dad didnt get why. but it was caus i really didnt know them most my life. i didnt even really know him.
so i was in and out of depression for a couple years...then i started makign more friends and getting into drama and went thru some mild stuff... it was bad but it wasnt it was getting better...but then i started losing friends... and that was tuff on me since its hard for me to make friends. then 3 years ago halfway thru junior year after being sick for a month i had almost like a nervous breakdown...i started skipping school and staying home...no one caught on for 2 weeks and it led to my eventual dropping out.
Then i got into my first serious relationship. for 3 years. with some big problems some little ones and some short times apart. lets jsut say other people had to much of a say in our relationship. She left me a couple weeks ago again something about not having a job and not having my ged yet wich she never worried about before..but it sounds a lot like her mom but whatever. anything i'd ever want in someone she was it. I just can't substitute what we had for anyone or anything else.
I cant afford counseling anymore and i think medication is just avoiding the problem so i stopped taking it...
I can't go to my friends. a lot of them dont bother me with as it is. but for some reason when i show weekness...they ignore me and when i push it down and try to seem happy...they think everything is okay and think im content and ignore me.
i dunno if any of that made sence :sad: and there are a lot of detials i left out. if anyone has any thoughts or wisdom please share im very stubborn with ideas on how to deal. but i'll definently listen! :smile:
okay then. fuck all you