Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Shuya, Jan 30, 2011.

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  1. Shuya

    Shuya Member

    Hi everyone

    I like this place, seems nice, so i'll just write an anonymous intro to my anonymous life.

    I'm 23 years old, i'm not stupid but i've no proof i'm smart. I didn't do great at school (in the UK), I got grade C at most subjects which is, like the rest of my life, decidedly average.

    I've basically been bi-polar since I was old enough to work out what it was, bi-sexual aswell which probably has something to do with it (i'm in the closet with another billion people who keep themselves to themselves).
    This bi-polar-ness has basically destroyed me over the last few months. It's not seasonal, i've had this before, but it doesn't want to go away this time.

    So yeah, to whittle it down, i'm kinda out of it, lust for life no longer there and my brain and heart have run out of life so that last 1% of my brain still functioning wants to cry for help. I can feel it begging for someone to tell my lovely story to so i'm telling it to a moderator who will hopefully approve my post so that I can see your lovely replies :).

    Hrmph... do you guys know that thing where suicide seems entirely rational the more you think about it? It will seem irrational no matter what to anyone else, because it's Game Over, insert credits etc, but no matter how long I leave it, it becomes more and more rational.

    Ok anyway i'll see what happens... I totally understand your need to filter out anybody who wants to post stupid/hateful comments so the moderator thing and membership requirements to see the cry for help forums are necessary but it doesn't bode well for someone who wants out and needs to shout about it.
    Just sayin'.

    Thanks for reading however much you read. :)

    Ps My name's not Shuya, it's from an uber-fantastic book i'm half way through.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums. I hope you an find some help here. Or some people who can relate. It's good you are seeking a place to meet people. And I've actually got to a point were I do think I'm rational when I think of suicide but then I look back at it and can say I wasn't. For example, I wanted to die and I didn't think about my cat until I thought of going to the ER. So, I wasn't really thinking about all the effects my actions might have if I killed myself. Anyway, hope to talk to you more later. Also welcome you to join the chat room if you want to at some point.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey great place to just vent ramble meet people glad your here hugs
  4. Shuya

    Shuya Member

    Hi Swift.
    I know what you mean about who I leave behind, but truthfully, although I have my gran, that's about it.
    Seriously, the other people have people around them who could help them out but i'm bored, i'm so tired of being stuck inbetween everybody's problems and not having anybody to talk to, that's why i'm posting here. I'm not shy or particularly secretive, i'm not crying for attention, but nobody can notice that i'm obviously (I think) desperately messed up and am on the verge of quitting the game.

    I don't think i'm 'crying for attention' as such but i've not kept my feelings a secret.

    Sucks a bit when you try and help people and still end up doing nothing remotely special in your entire life, 23 wasted years really :/

    Anyway I appreciate the 2 comments :) it's late for you North Americans, ps I love Canada :)

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome! :hug:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Shuya,
    I know how you feel being Bi-Polar.. I have alot of the symptoms and take six different meds.. I'm also borderline skyzophrenic.. The meds I take took me six years to find the right combination..
    I have suicdal Ideation also.. I've tried three times.. After five years of therapy I know better than to try again.. I'll go to the hospital if things get really bad..
    I hope you seek preofessional help before you do something rash..At least come here and talk to us.. It does help to get it off your chest..
  7. Shuya

    Shuya Member

    Thanks, it's helping a little, but I can already feel a dependency growing. All I see with meds is people struggling just as much as they do without, i'm biding my time.

    Thanks for your words :)
  8. Montana

    Montana Member

    Hi shuya welcome if you ever need to talk just PM me.
  9. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Hi there, and welcome to SF. Have you seen anyone with regards to your illness? (Sorry, nosey I know) I hope that you find the help you need here.
  10. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Definitely been there. That's when professional help kicked in. Here is a good place to discuss about that but it would also be really good you look around as well for support. At 23, there way too much life in front of you to believe your life has been wasted.
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