Hello

[Hollygoeslightly]

Hi Everyone,

I just joined this site because I am feeling really really low and at this moment, don't really see a reason to go on. I don't have anyone to that I can really talk to about all of this and I joined in hopes that I could maybe find some sort of refuge in everything I've been going through. I found this forum through a yahoo answers question. I've been going through a depressed state for quite some time but its never been this bad. Everything started really just plummeting this past year and I can't see any of it getting any better. I mean, I never really had the best life to begin with but now everything has completely caved in on me and I don't know what to do. I really don't ever see anything improving. The future looks dim to me.I don't really know what else to say at the moment so I'll just stop here.

Thanks,

Holly

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi Holly and welcome...glad you found us...what is going on for you that you say everything has taken a nose dive? And how can we be here to support you? Please know, many ppl here will relate to what you have written...I am sure...welcome again, J

 

[takencontrol]

hi holly, welcome to sf and i too hope you can get some help and support while your going through this tough time. :hug:

 

[Hollygoeslightly]

Thank you for being so nice to me. I'm 21 years old. I'd attempted suicide before (more than once) and failed. But since I'm such a failure in general, it's really no surprise that I failed at that too. To be honest, I've almost given up trying to commit suicide because I never can seem die. So, I'm just going to live the rest of my miserable days alone and unhappy I guess because I have no choice. I can't seem to take my life but I can't win at life either. I hate this. I am currently living with a relative and, even though they receive a paycheck every month, we're still struggling to keep afloat. It's all my fault because if I could get a job then we'd be okay. But no one will hire me. I mean ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. I've only had one job and that was working fast food for about 3 months. Also, I quit that job without leaving a notice so it doesn't look very nice on my resume. I feel so guilty and so worthless. I can't even get a job paying minimum wage. I'm pathetic.

I'm in college. I'm supposed to graduate this semester. Like I said, these past years haven't been the greatest but, oddly, even though I was depressed I was somehow passing my classes. I don't know how, but I was. But now, with everything going on, I care even less about the whole thing. I don't really attend my classes anymore and,when I do, I'm late. I have a class right now and I don't even see the point in going. I only have 4 more classes left. But so what? If I do graduate, I'm getting a degree in the arts. My family kept telling me how stupid that was and it never really crossed my mind until I was too far in the major to change it. I can't really do anything with this degree so it doesn't matter. I still won't have a job, just like I can't get a job now.

The thing that was actually the last straw really hurt. I don't really want to get into detail about that just yet but I feel weak for taking it all so hard and I feel stupid for even getting myself into such a terrible mess. I'm a horrible person and looking back on that situation and everything else that has gone in my life in general, It looks like I was just destined to fail and never be loved. My father didn't love me, my mother didn't, I'm the reject of my family, I don't even have any friends. I'm alone all the time, except when I go to class and when I try to talk to people, it seems like they think I'm a nice person but, ultimately, no one ever really talks to me. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I'm 21 and these are supposed to be the "greatest years of my life" and I just want to die. No matter what I do, nothing ever comes out right. I don't even want try anymore because what's the point?

 

[takencontrol]

im sorry things have been difficult for you, i hope you can continue to talk to us here and get some support while you are finding things so hard. im pretty sure theres people here that can relate to your situation a lot. i find just knowing you can come here at any time of any day and theres always someone there for support who can get you through the toughest of days. :hug:

 

[Stranger1]

Hey Holly, Welcome to the forums!! You've come to the right place for a refuse..The members here are supportive.. Have you received any professional help?? It's worth looking into.. I don't know why you find it hard to meet friends, because yoiu sound like a very sweet person.. You should finish your classes because you have put in so much work. It would be ashamed to loose all that..Take care!!

 

[total eclipse]

Hi Holly please finish off your classes okay because on resume a college degree looks so much better and you will have a better chance at getting hired into a job. 4 more days give it your all okay and do well. You are only 21 still lots of time to change that world of yours lots of time so don't give up hope yet. If you need therapy then get it okay get on some meds to make you feel less depressed give you energy to keep moving forward. I am glad you reached out here hugs

 

[Petal]

Hi and welcome to the forums! :hug: