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Hello, my name is Paul, and at 51 years old, I should know better. From an abusive childhood, through to abusive relationships, life just seems to go continually down hill.

I am bipolar, so my moods are never the best, with a stack of medication, and even more to cover the side effects.

I can only come home now once my wife has gone to bed, a life I can no longer live with. I have my "suicide kit" in place, but try to survive one day at a time. I doubt whether that philosophy will last much longer though.

Sorry to sound so negative


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Hello Paul, welcome to the forum and I hope you can find people here who relate to your predicament.

Bi polar is no picnic, but it can be managed with medication and other methods such as exercise, good diet, plenty of sunlight and fresh air and so on.

Don't apologise for sounding negative, after all nobody expects you to be full of cheer and acting like a clown or something. You don't have to pretend here nor apologise.

It's like apologising to people as you walk about with a broken leg. Sorry for not being able bodied or something. Don't apologise over having an illness likely tied up in the DNA somewhere! Or did you rearrange your own DNA to get bi polar and pi** everyone off?

Course not!

Hope you find some answers here.

My first advice would be to dump the suicide kit. But I'm sure you'll get that answer if you post in some of the other forums. This being an introduction forum I don't want to offer too much advice apart from to put you at ease. Your in good company here. A lot of good people can help out as they have been to places some of us are maybe approaching.

Good luck!
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