Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Groznyji, May 11, 2011.

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  1. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    I had typed out a really long post explaining my situation, but I've decided to keep my post brief instead. I don't want to leave a wall of text for people to sift through.

    I'm stressed. That may, in fact, be putting it mildly. I feel a constant, extremely profound pressure. I ruminate over my problems endlessly, and I'm tired of it.

    The only time I've felt relaxed recently is when I daydream about suicide. I've taken to finding reliable ways in which I can obtain <mod edit - acy - methods>, and the proper methods for mixing a "suicide cocktail," which I suppose is a step in a direction away from merely daydreaming.

    I don't really have a question or a specific purpose for posting here. I suppose I'm just looking to have a conversation with people who feel they may identify with what I'm going through.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2011
  2. dilla87

    dilla87 New Member

    I know exactly what your going through. I am 20, male and I have had my life completely rocked by a medication. <mod edit - acy - methods> you say?
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2011
  3. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Methods are not allowed on the forum.
  4. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    I apologize. I wasn't aware that naming a substance was considered akin to describing a method.
  5. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear that. A close friend of mine is on a lot of medication as well, so I've seen what that can do to people.

    Are you taking medication for depression? What would happen if you were to simply stop taking it?
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Groznyji - hope you get some help yourself - depression is a condition which gains more ground the longer you leave it.

    I've seen some prescriptions which make the mind boggle - I mean multiple meds, maybe half a dozen or more. This can be dangerous but its also a fact that some people tend to be taking meds for the side effects and meds to combat the meds that stop the side effects!

    I always see less as more with meds, but that said it really is a case of everyone being different and reacting to the SSRIs in different ways.

    Anyhow, best not to keep it all in - and if your at the stage of actually having your ticket out of this world lined up - I'd really see someone because all it takes is some dark night of the soul and your really in a bit of a spot.

    The thing with depression, is that it happens!

    When it does, you just got to deal with it and never just sit back and think its like a flu which go away after a few weeks.

    Good luck.

    Hope you get through this.
  7. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    Hey, thanks for the advice. However, I've never really even considered getting "help," at least in the sense of hiring someone to listen to my problems. I don't like talking about them, and though I've tried to talk to certain people that are very close to me such as my father and my girlfriend, I never seem to be able to bring myself to explain exactly how deep these feelings run.

    "Help" to me would be solving my problems. One of my issues is that I just recently graduated and I can't seem to find a job, despite doing very well in school and having what I consider to be a relatively robust resume with good references. It makes me feel worthless. If I had a decent job I really feel like all of these feelings would simply go away.

    And I don't even really feel as though I'm depressed - I simply feel stressed, but in a helpless sort of way. If I don't find solutions to the underlying problems that are causing these feelings, then how can I ever get better?
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    my best advice is to keep busy. you have the time to do some volunteering. it will keep your mind occupied and it feels good, too. most organizations treat their volunteers really well.

    and reconsider therapy. you have the time for it! they can help you learn some coping skills for when you get these suicidal urges. i've never regretted the day i went to my doctor and told him i was suicidal. that led to medication, and a world of support for me. it's nice knowing my mental health problems are being handled by professionals. family and friends can only go so far.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Catherine... Volunteer work will take your mind off your problems for a little while.. Plus that would be another feather in your cap as far as your resume.. It will show employers you are willing to work..
  10. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    I really appreciate the help and advice, but there are a few incorrect assumptions here that are being made about my situation.

    I keep VERY busy. I have a pretty strict daily schedule that includes looking for jobs / writing cover letters in the morning, taking a couple classes in the afternoon, doing some (pro bono) freelance writing for a few small entertainment websites and blogs, and daily exercise. I'm bilingual (self taught so I can't simply practice with my family) so I also spend a lot of time brushing up on my language skills since I'm not yet comfortable enough to use it in a professional environment.

    I'm not the most social person in the world, but I do see my friends on a regular basis as well.

    I definitely do not sit around all day brooding, except in the evening when I'm alone. Those times are tough, but there's not much I can do about that as far as I know. I have to sleep at some point.

    The problem is that these thoughts come no matter what I'm doing. I feel the same pressures throughout the day, and no matter how busy I keep myself these negative thoughts will, inevitably, intrude. Everything that I worry about is always in the back of my mind and just aching to bubble to the surface. At times during the day I'll feel that I want to just break down, and it takes a lot of will power for me to keep it together.

    As far as medication is concerned, I'm very much against it. I may of course be wrong, but I don't think I have any sort of disorder that can be treated with a pill. I think my thoughts and feelings are a natural reaction to the stress of having to cope with my problems. Remove the problems, and the negative feelings will go too. Talking to people helps, and so does writing about it anonymously, which is why I'm here.

    Besides, I have had friends who took medication for depression and it really didn't seem to do them much good, and in some cases it did a lot of harm.
  11. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    OK Groz, you've filled in some details which makes things a lot clearer.

    Depression can be natural in that its a phase we go through - a down period perhaps and obviously the pivotal eras in our own lives in which grief and happiness, maybe divorce and joblessness can make us down.

    But if you feel like breaking down - and really struggle with these problems - ruminate on them - there's plenty of natural ways to try and feel better in yourself. Are you qualified to diagnose yourself?

    Maybe you should take the depression test on this website - just to get a basic knowledge of were you are.

    Keeping busy is always a must. Anyone not communicating with others on a day to day basis is liable to get depressed via lack of human contact. That stimulates the brain a lot - and of course we meet people and get to know more people which always helps.

    Being against the medication is wrong! There is no for or against - you just have to accept the evidence that plenty of people DO get better on medication. Basing your own theory on the evidence of friends is not going to be accepted as evidence by you or me. You have to judge medications on the results of a lot more people than Bill, Fred and that man who drinks in the local bar.

    I knew someone who said meds were useless - but he was drinking a bottle of scotch a day and using all manner of drugs. Others just don't use the drugs - they take them for a few weeks, feel some side effects, and denounce the drugs as 'useless'. These drugs take up 8 weeks to work and then you need to find the right dose - or another drug. There are around a dozen commonly prescribed, so did your friends go through them all?

    Were they free of drugs using them? Not boozing? Or even taking them?

    I agree its wrong to see drugs as an answer for everyone, but millions call them life savers, in the USA alone. I agree if your not feeling really depressed then drugs could make it worse, because side effects for the first few days or weeks put many off.

    Anyhow, keep up what your doing, stay active, but keep an eye on yourself all the same.

    Good luck Groznyji
  12. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    Very true. Of the two friends I'm referring to, one drinks sometimes and the other not at all, so they're certainly not "boozers," but you're absolutely right in saying that I shouldn't dismiss it based on my small sample size.

    Don't get me wrong, I still don't want to take any medication because I think if my problems go away that these feelings will too, but if it persists for too long it's something I'll consider.

    I'm also now seriously thinking about volunteering on the weekends. I can never be too busy I suppose, and it might be fun to volunteer at a homeless shelter or something.

    Thanks guys!
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