Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Leiavalt, May 16, 2011.

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  1. Leiavalt

    Leiavalt Member

    I'm a 21 year old guy from Norway. I've just found this site while browsing the net.

    A little about me: I'm a young guy currently in the construction business. Part time hobbies include wood-carving as well as a fervent interest in literature(historical being the main thing). I also enjoy social events and love spending time in the nature only to be fascinated by the wild life surrounding us. I have much interest in politics and take great interest in engaging matters of global interests. I would consider myself open-minded and eager to pursue new knowledge.

    I guess I can be defined as a mostly outgoing person with an active social network. Work is fine, friends are all I could ever ask for. I don't have troubles in work life nor in social life. Things are just as they should be I guess.

    Still, behind the facade of a participating member of society I bare a heavily melancholic side which often leads to depressive thoughts. Sometimes its temptful to blame a lot on my upgrowing with alcoholism and the less fortunate way of getting to know/growing up with my alcoholic father. The way parts of my family have chosen to ignore the issue instead of facing it directly never made any progress in that matter. Sometimes I find myself extremely bitter and angry towards relative for never interfering in this situation. Being told "Your grown up now, stop blaming things of the past" doesn't really help. I never spoke truly to my father how I felt. Knowing he is not the kinda man to talk about such things it never got to it anyway. It feels like a lost cause so to speak anyway. I've been told it would help for myself , honestly it might for a bit but in the whole picture it won't. I feel like a broken individual already. My past is not the only thing that I would think is troubling me. Even thouh its unsettled and keep nagging me at times.

    But other than that I find actual motivation to keep my life going hard. And I won't only say this is because of my past childhood history(though it may be a contributing factor), but because I find it hard to find something worthwile to strive for in society. Something that would make my life worth living. Its a bit like Jekyll and Hyde I guess. Most of the time I manage to supress the negative thoughts and is outgoing and assumingly a pleased invididual, my family and friends would have no idea of me actually being severely depressed. In periods, repeatingly each month, I feel the strong urge to end my own life. I don't mean this in a dramatical attention seeking context. I seriously get the feeling I wish I could just pass away withouth much controversy. To the extent I would almost pursue my close family and friends to ask for understanding. I just can' take it. It tears me apart. I spend hours just to scroll down the perfect way to commit a sucide. Theres no desire to make a dramatical exit, preferably I'd just die of some natural cause as I don't fancy brutal/dramatical exits. I want it to appear most natural as possible, for the thoughts of the people left behind. And if it wasn't for the people close to me I think I would have already killed myself.

    I have a hard time defining my emotions and thoughts and how they are brought on, but finding this community I hoped dearly to find people in a similar situation and hopefully provide some helpful answers to my own struggles. I want to sort out my despair, my dark moments and hopefully find a way to deal with them. What I feel like I need is a community that would somehow understand what I am getting at, because I don't feel I can open myself in such a way to my circle of family and friends. Maybe I could, but I just don't find myself brave enough to do so.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...there are many people here who will relate to what you have said...and being told, "grow up' or 'get over it' is so painful and irresponsible...I know it might sound cliche, but I went back to therapy after a while not going to deal with issues like you have said...I found it helpful to have a place to put all of this stuff as there was no one person I wanted to burden with this...hope you continue to post and to find the support and dialogue you are seeking...J
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums..Keep posting and you will make friends here easy enough..Thats to bad about your dad..I have a brother who is just the same..He drinks an eighteen pack of beer everyday after work.. On the weekends it's a case of beer each day..He's literally drinking himself to death..I grew up with that because he is older than me..
  4. Leiavalt

    Leiavalt Member

    - Hi and thanks! I'm looking forward to getting into discussions and eventually get to know more similar kindred spirits on this forum. Yes, the "grow up/get over it" doesn't help anything but to make it worse Imo. Some things are just too hard to get over with. A usual argument then is "we all have issues". Well, I beg to differ that issues vary and not all are as good to cope with them. I cannot just shut it off as easily as some speak about it. Its like many don't want to get into uncomfortable thoughts/issues. I can see why, but then they shouldn't hand out advices.

    I've considered therapy and will pursue help in close future. To have someone to speak to would help greatly. Another problem is the lack of trust I put in people when it comes to issues like theese, even psychiatrists/therapists. I find it hard to open myself in such a vulnerable position, as well I fear letting people know about my situation in fear of being judged. Its a slow process. But I will definately pursue therapy and hopefully in time manage to speak out my feelings and troubles. I am convinced it may work. But its a road to get there still.

    - Thanks for another nice welcome! I look forward to meeting people here and contribute to discussions.
  5. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the fourm, Leiavalt! I'm deeply interested in literature (also mostly historical) and wild life too, so it looks like we have something in common. :smile:

    I hope you find everything you're looking for here and I look forward to seeing you around!
  6. Leiavalt

    Leiavalt Member

    - Thank you! Nice to see some others being interested in the wild life and historical literature as well:smile:
  7. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome i am glad you found this site there are lots of ppl here that are willing to talk and help.
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