I'm a 40-something guy suffering from bipolar disorder since my teenage years. I have never found an effect medication regimen, and over the years my mood cycles have gotten more frequent and more severe. My current down cycle has lasted nearly a year so far and has improved only a little since trying a new medication. The worse part of my depressive phases are the constantly recurring thoughts of suicide. These thoughts have been intense for many months, sometimes to the point that it is all I can think about all day long. I suppose I don't really want to kill myself, I just can't stop thinking about it, I can't fathom living like this much longer, and I don't know how to put together the pieces of a broken life and move forward if I do survive. When I bring it up, my psychiatrist threatens to "Baker Act" me (Florida's version of involuntary commitment.) My boyfriend, though he means well and wants to be supportive, responds with fear and panic. I have no one else to talk to.