Hey Alabasterd - sorry to see you at odds with yourself in this way - and its good that you joined up at least. Talking about things can be costly - but what you pay one stranger to listen to others will listen to freely - some trained perhaps to a higher degree than professionals.
In the world of the mind - its funny how the professionals are the ones who have [usually] never felt depressed or suicidal. Its like calling someone who does not kick a ball a professional footballer!
Besides, you can read up the basics of what any psychiatrist actually reads. Most likely read a lot at college - who knows, maybe they were on Ritalin for a few months so could only replicate the same mental agility if on it today!
Is your depression the kind that has any roots for example? You know that - I mean if there is a reason to feel depressed then you know about it. Telling us would not be easy - but it would be free and someone here will have been through the same old routine themselves.
Depression sometimes just comes to us - no reason needed. I was lucky as I never knew about depression as a young man, awareness has increased ten or hundredfold I guess. Knowledge is easier to come by and help also - especially self help which is kind of theme around these parts. We all try to help each each other - which is like helping yourself.
Astral projection - there are lots of books on the subject - you could download plenty I'm sure which is better than paying someone a few hundred dollars to repeat what he or she has already read! Many 'new age' (or old age reinvented) ideas should be given away if they are genuine gifts to help humanity. I am suspicious of conferences on bettering yourself which cost an arm and a leg to attend!
You say you tried drugs - or some of them. Did any 'work' or were is all just a case of 'the drugs don't work!'. Perhaps there are new drugs or your own bodies or brains chemistry is better suited to having something now. Maybe Ritalin might help - although the cost seems high at about 70p per 15mg pill. This is more of an 'upper' which might work if your always tired and than in turn affects the school work, college, grades, social life and winning the heart of some girl.
Take proper medical advice when using any pill. Never buy them off the street as I'm sure you know. If you need it a doctor should issue it. not sure if Ritalin is anti depressant but judging by what is in it I'm sure it would cheer many up.
Sometimes the pills do not work - but its always worth having a go if the option is that or the prospect of becoming worse.
Meditation, prayer, that should come for free!
Anyhow, hope you can get a job soon - but times are hard and we all know. The time out of work is best spent trying to educate yourself. If you have computer, can you fix it if it goes wrong - or is it in the bin if it does not switch on? Are you interested in software - or coding, art or perhaps use of the written word albeit in poetry.
There is always music - songs to inspire us - help us fight the blues.
Your young, I'm sure life will get better the moment you really decide that it has to get better. Part of meditation is visualising something - that trains the mind and can bring us to a quiet place or a chaotic one. Visualising your life right now - you might not think that process is going on - or that you can alter it - but you can and we can. A part of us sort of oversees our own self. Its like the driving seat as it were - the controls. We can envision good things and bad things - and this is the process people with depression have difficulty with.
You can get used to seeing only the bad - which allows us to give up the driving seat to the negative self destructive part of ourself. Everyone has internal dialogue in their mind - all of us - I remember thinking it was only me - and being thankful it was not so. We constantly 'think' and are concious of our lives. We have an image of ourself - sometimes more than one - that reflects who we are and what we feel.
A constant them of depression is that people will say they feel like life will never amount to anything. My view is that whilst pills might well help the main 'cure' is found when we recognise who we are - and when we let someone else see us without the mask.
Everyone wears a mask from time to time - maybe your moving away might make you change your more readily - but running away from people we love is not the answer. After all, you might meet someone - things go great and then depression hits you again. Those you love now will know that you have this going on - some will know it and maybe you could save yourself a bucket full of cash talking to them.
Good luck regardless - I'm sure that you will find some work just as long as you make a real effort each day and every week to have a fairly sizeable amount of emails in the sent box - with CV attachments.
It is hard to socialise unemployed - you leave school and its like you find a new set of friends. Sometimes the kids you wasted time with in school are not going to be much fun when you hang about doing nothing. Or worse - you bounce from pub to pub and back to the betting shop before more pubs.
Work will give you a chance to meet new people and gain some confidence plus some pride as you bring home a wage - pay for your keep. Or you could rent your own place - nothing fancy as a single man hardly needs tons of rooms. It is a drag actually - to clean 3 bedrooms and not really use them all.
All the best and hope things take a turn for the better soon.
PS - if you need a link to self help books and so on - I have a list somewhere.
Illegal to download some perhaps, but maybe you have no library and its not illegal to borrow a book from a library is it?
Regards.