Discussion in 'Welcome' started by mattp37, Aug 31, 2011.

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  1. mattp37

    mattp37 New Member

    My name is Matt, I'm 37 and I'm from the midwest (US).
    What else to say in an introduction?
    I've felt suicidal for much of my life, and it's gotten worse again lately.
    Several years ago, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and chronic major depression, but I believe I'm actually autistic.
    I quit my job today because I can't handle people. I'm hypersensitive to other people, especially loud, chatty people. The noise drove me right out the door today, and I know I can't go back.
    It's difficult for me to find work, due to a criminal record (misdemeanor theft from almost ten years ago).
    I've been thinking for years that I should just leave.
    I'm an alcoholic. I discovered that the only way I can talk to people is if I'm drunk. I've also self-medicated with recreational drugs on occasion.
    I've been on anti-depressants before (SSRIs), but found they didn't help much.
    I know I should go to a hospital and talk to someone about these issues, but I'm very poor and also quite frightened. I'm scared to think what will happen if I talk to someone about my issues.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forums, Matt. :hug: Thanks for the introduction :shake:. I'm Alex, nice to meet you, and I hope you'll find the people here kind and supportive. Take care.. Mr. A
  3. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Hi Matt

    Nice to meet you, I'm Ditsy!
    SF is a very kind and gentle place with kind, caring and gentle people, we all have problems of one sort or other so you are not alone ok.
    I hope you can soon feel comfortable and at ease enough to post more. SF has helped me so much and the support I have found has kept me going.
    It helps to share how you feeling in getting it out the system and people can then support you too.

    I know talking to someone and being honest is scary in so many ways. Do you think you could say what makes you scared? If the meds haven't helped then maybe they could give you meds that do help?

    I put off for a long time saying how bad things were, but when I did they eventually found meds that have and do help. Its not fool proof, but I am a lot better and its only in being a bit better that I can see how bad I was before the meds.

    Take care
    Ditsy :welcome:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome to SF lots of caring people here hun so continue to reach out okay hugs:hugtackles:
  5. mattp37

    mattp37 New Member

    Hi everybody. Thanks for the welcome.

    Ditsy: You asked what makes me scared of talking to someone about my issues. I'm afraid that my family will treat me different. I have an older brother (I'm 7th of 8 children) who went severely schizophrenic when I was eight years old. Our whole world changed that day. My family didn't handle the event well. To this day, hardly anyone talks to him and he lives in a half-way house.

    I'm also afraid people will just think I'm complaining. I come from good, sturdy Norwegian stalk, and we don't complain about things. We just keep quiet and deal with it. Case in point: I've had a bladder infection for about 20 years. I've never gone to the doctor for it and probly never will. I just tough it out. It's the same with all my other issues. If I talk about it, people in my family will likely think I'm weak and that I'm just using it as an excuse.

    Meds are another reason to be afraid. I don't believe in them. I have no trust in the efficacy of our medical industry. It's mostly just an extension of the pharmaceutical industry, and the pharmaceutical industry is entirely self-serving. It's not in their best interest to cure people, but simply to get them hooked on pills. I don't mean to cause offense with this statement. If meds have helped anyone here, that's wonderful. Personally, I've had nothing but bad experiences with medications. Maybe I'm wrong about their effectiveness. Temple Grandin would certainly believe so.

    Thanks again for the warm welcome.
  6. mattp37

    mattp37 New Member

    Just wanted to let people know that I'm doing better. I got another job and I'm also studying to be a welder. It feels good to be working toward my future. I have hope for better things.

    The place I'm working at allows me not to have to deal with people, which is good for me. It sounds strange - most people need others in order to be emotionally healthy, yet having to interact with other people has the opposite effect on me. It makes me angry and frustrated. I guess I'm a true loner. I'm happiest when I'm completely alone.

    I also wanted to share one of the best coping methods I've found: If I'm feeling suicidal and want to kill myself, I put it off till tomorrow. I tell myself I can suffer through today and kill myself tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow never comes because it's always today, and "thou knowest not what a day may bring forth." - Proverbs. Change can and will happen of its own accord if you just wait.
  7. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    welcome matt.. good luck with the new job.. Jim
  8. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    hey matt!
    im from the mid west area too.
    keep us posted how your job is going!
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Matt!!
  10. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome to the forums, i'm here to help you whenever you need help.

    Feel free to send me a PM!

    Going to hospital is certainly a option if you want and if you feel you can't handle yourself - going to hospital will provide you with a environment with people that will provide you support and understanding.
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