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#7
ok, I'll try this again. I'm not really one to talk about myself.

I lost my mom a few years ago, and at first I was alright. Mostly, I was just stressed out by the change in my home. My mom was a single mother, and after I went to live with my dad which was isn't that great. Things arn't so good at home, but I was really busy with classes and clubs and stuff. I had a long bus ride, so I would leave really early in the morning, and come back late at night. I would just crash. My friends couldn't understand, but at least they were there you know? Though a lot of times, it's like they would purposely say just the wrong thing. I don't really know how to explain it, I wanted to be left alone, but I dont want to be alone?

But when I started college, I came to this new enviroment, and I have all this free time. I've never had an easy time with social stuff and making friends. And I'm not that close with my highschool friends anymore. I know I drove one of my friends away, but the other two just arn't on the same path. It was just too hard to keep in contact. I dont know when it started, but I just started feeling really lonely and tired all the time. I started playing an online mmo a lot to fill the time. Probably way too much, but w/e.

This spring was when I really felt suicidal. I felt so lost and hopeless. I had thoughts before, but never that seriously. I tried to keep myself busy, but the thoughts keep coming back. It feels like everything I'm my life is just getting worse and worse. Afterwords, I want to get help, but I'm afraid they'll call the police or lock me away or something, and I dont want to burden my family. We have enough issues as it is.

Right before this semester started, I was having a really bad day for various reasons, and when I logged on the game, it just couldn't distract me. An online buddy asked me what was wrong, and since she was older I figured wth. I talked to her a little, but I didn't want to be too depressing. But it made me think about looking for someplace to talk about things. It never really occured to me to look before.

And thats when I found this forum. I guess what I'm looking for is someone (or multiple people) to talk to? Someone who's been there (and wont call the cops xD) or act like I'm totally nuts for having these thoughts.


Anyway, sorry for the long post. Thanks for taking the time to read and yeah... heres a cute sheep! :sheep2:
 

suicidalbabe

Well-Known Member
#9
I know how yu feel I lost my mom when i was three and me and my twin wre split up I dont know where she is rite now or how she is. I was only three and didnt know why. Now that I'm older and going through things I really wish i had my mom 2 talk 2. I have suicidal thoughts 2 but what usually helps me feel better is just a good cry or talking 2 people about it.Anyways dont know if this will help but I'm here 4 yu if yu need a friend or someone 2 talk 2 :) (hugs)
 

Stranger1

Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
#10
Hey Aliyah,
I just lost my mom last week.. I don't think it has completely sank in yet..I've cried a couple of times..But the greif hasn't set in yet..I'm sorry you lost track of your twin.. Is there anyway you can research it and find out where she is..That would probably help with alot of your problems
 

suicidalbabe

Well-Known Member
#13
Hey Aliyah,
I just lost my mom last week.. I don't think it has completely sank in yet..I've cried a couple of times..But the greif hasn't set in yet..I'm sorry you lost track of your twin.. Is there anyway you can research it and find out where she is..That would probably help with alot of your problems
tried can't find her always feel empty, wondering if she's ever tried 2 look 4 me. think back 2 the moments we had the laughs we had nd the feelin i get always makes me want 2 open a vein experience pain, know im alive despite this livin death/\.
 
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