I'm Lara, and I am sixteen...
For the past four years, I've been fighting suicidal thoughts. Well, for three years I've been fighting. Now I think I gave up. I have had no friends and a lot of pressure put on me. My Dad thinks I'm fat, ugly, and stupid, and for the past years I've been telling myself that he's wrong.
Now, I don't have the will to fight all of this anymore.
I have a boyfriend and a job now. But I don't, I can't, care. I just don't...feel like I used to. My writing got bad because the emotions feel false. I can't cry any more because it feels like it's all used up. I don't care about school, or my life. The fact that I want to die feels more like a fact now, not something different. It's like I wake up each day knowing that I don't want to live it...If I could describe it, I would say I am "passively suicidal".
I want to die. I just don't have the energy to make it happen.
I don't want to write a note, or think up a method. If I managed it, even, I would be afraid of waking up and having to deal with people. I'm too tired for all of this. I'm tired of life. I don't want to do any of this. I don't want a family, or a job, and I don't want to go to college, I don't want pets...I don't want ANYTHING in this world.
I don't know why I signed up here...I was hoping maybe someone would know how I'm feeling...and could tell me how to make it better...:/
For the past four years, I've been fighting suicidal thoughts. Well, for three years I've been fighting. Now I think I gave up. I have had no friends and a lot of pressure put on me. My Dad thinks I'm fat, ugly, and stupid, and for the past years I've been telling myself that he's wrong.
Now, I don't have the will to fight all of this anymore.
I have a boyfriend and a job now. But I don't, I can't, care. I just don't...feel like I used to. My writing got bad because the emotions feel false. I can't cry any more because it feels like it's all used up. I don't care about school, or my life. The fact that I want to die feels more like a fact now, not something different. It's like I wake up each day knowing that I don't want to live it...If I could describe it, I would say I am "passively suicidal".
I want to die. I just don't have the energy to make it happen.
I don't want to write a note, or think up a method. If I managed it, even, I would be afraid of waking up and having to deal with people. I'm too tired for all of this. I'm tired of life. I don't want to do any of this. I don't want a family, or a job, and I don't want to go to college, I don't want pets...I don't want ANYTHING in this world.
I don't know why I signed up here...I was hoping maybe someone would know how I'm feeling...and could tell me how to make it better...:/