I was looking for some place where I could express what I never say aloud. I am toshi, I do not remember a time in my life (teenage to adult) when I've not considered suicide to be an option. I've pushed everyone away and I am completely alone. I'm afraid to turn the radio off because the silence scares me. I'm so accustomed to not sharing....not talking...i don't know this will help. But, i don't know where else to go or what else to do. I'm losing hope that things will get better. It's just so dark.