I ended up here doing a search for reasons why I deserve to continue to exist. Not sure why I signed up, but we'll see. It is puzzling that this web site requires that your be 18 to sign up, though good to know that nobody under 18 is suffering the way that I do. I am 32 years old. I have been depressed most of my life (since adolescence I think). I hate myself, but most other people hate me too, so I guess I deserve it. I was *relatively* happy with my life since I met the love of my life. We've been married 7 years, and she has filed for divorce. I've told her that I'm willing to change and dedicate my life to her, asked for more time, etc, but she told me that she doesn't love me anymore and that she is unwilling to work on the marriage. I reluctantly signed the papers yesterday, and I am devastated. I am fat and ugly, and she is the only woman who ever loved me. I know that I have not been a good "alpha male," but personalities are difficult to change. Right now I'm lost. I'm struggling to accept living my 'life' alone. I wanted to have babies with her, and now she realizes that I'm a piece of sh!t, so that's all over. I wish I was dead, but I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it, so I'm stuck in limbo.