Discussion in 'Welcome' started by trish40, Aug 10, 2012.

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  1. trish40

    trish40 Member

    Hi everyone, I am new. I have been preparing to commit suicide and to succeed this time, the last time, end of January, I failed. I dont feel sad or upset this time i just feel ready and calm about it, i dont know whats more scary. I am a burden to my family and they would be much better off without me, i have been tidying up and putting house in order so they wont have to worry too much about anything when i am gone. I am just scared it wont work again.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi Trish and a warm welcome.. For your information, we are very pro life around here and hope no member takes their own life.. Have you tried any professional counseling?. Highly recommend it..saved my life seriously.

    Do think your family would be devastated.. Look around here please. Lots of others here that previously felt like you.. They in a better place now and still alive and kickin'...now that you have started talking here please do continue..

    Take care, Jim
  3. trish40

    trish40 Member

    Thanks Jim, I know everyone in the same boat here. But i'm scared of the "dead" feeling i already have. In january I was very emotional when I od'd but this time round I feel calm and that its the right thing to do. I no longer have a job, I have a heart condition which is a financial drain on my husband as my monthly meds are expensive and I dont bother taking them half the time now, I am just building a stock. I went to a doc who told me people who try once will keep trying till they succeed so I didnt go back.
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    trish is it possible that state or feds have some kind of program to help pay for your meds??? also any treatment available that might help fix your heart condition??? trish i do not give up on myself or anyone else.. having a 35 yr old autistic son makes me so.. frankly just having met you ai already care about you. do not want to lose you hon.. Jim
  5. trish40

    trish40 Member

    Where I am there is no government assistance or anything like that, I live in Zimbabwe. as for my heart the meds would keep it ok but long term prognosis not too sure and sorry but I suppose i am disinterested in the future. I must have some interest seeing as i am here...I dont know, its very confusing i am 90percent sure what i want to do but i am scared of too much, i am such a wimp really, my kids are pretty grown up and dont need a mom anymore they more need a day, i have 3 sons 19, 16 and 15.i am a ring around their necks they dont need and i feel ok with the thought of dying if i knew it was guaranteed to work, thats where the wimpy part comes in!! But thanks for the support i do appreciate knowing someone cares
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi trish, and a warm welcome...... I lived in Zimbabwe for nearly 7 years in the 80's...... the best time of my life, it really was.......

    Honey, it is support that you need in order not to leave your family devastated, despite thinking they no longer need you. I've been suicidal to the point where I could not see this myself, and where I believed that there was no support that could be of any help.

    But, I am so glad to be here today with the rest of my life to look forward to. The thing is, trish - is that your future will not be like it is now once you have different insights - I promise you that, even if you cannot believe it like I could not (because no one had said those words to me before!)

    You will find a lot of support and people willing to listen here, hun :) Blessings and strength,
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF trish. I am sorry to hear you are in such a bad place right now. You mentioned that you feel you are nothing more than a ring around the neck of your children and they no longer need you. All children need their parents. A mother holds a special place in their heart and it doesn't matter to them if you are ill. They need you. Yes, they are older. So are mine, but they still have questions and they still need your support. Someday they will be parents. They will wish their children to know their grandmother as you are special and unique to them. The effects suicide has on a child, even a grown one, can be devastating. It is something you never get over. Guilt follows you for the rest of your life. As long as you have that uncertainty, you need to keep fighting. Take your meds, don't stockpile them. If you have that option sitting in front of you, the temptation may be too great. As you said, you are here so you must want to live. Let us help support you in that journey to a better life. I hope you choose to stay for a long, long time. Take care and stay safe :hug:
  8. trish40

    trish40 Member

    Thank you all for your kind supportive words, you have no idea how much they mean to me.
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