hello

[paul1990]

Hi,

the name´s Paul. I´m seriously thinking about the suicide and found yourself certain methods to do it. I still got parents they wouldn´t take that success well, if all. Besides them I got really nothing to live for. Nothing brings me enjoyment or happiness anymore in this world. Nothing really interests me or makes me care about anything or anyone and it´s getting worse and worse past ten or fifteen years year by year, month by month, day by day. I got no friends or girlfriend both by intention and my attitude. For many years I keep finding just temporary or even no enjoyment in things. I suffer from social phobia probably. I can´t get myself into basic personal contact with someone else. 22 years old with no experience or degree. I don´t know what kind of work should I do or what should I later study and I care even less and less. I really wish to die, seeing no point to live whatsoever, but I don´t want my parents to suffer from my loss, even though my existence brings no profit to them at all. The pain I´m struggling with nevertheless grows and keeps growing. I don´t believe in any so called "professional help" by some psychiatrists since they just do this for living as we all have to "something" for living ´cause the life is nothing less then fight for survival, which you won´t survive anyway, so again what´s the real point to live? I´m tired of talking, breathing, walking, meeting the people (especially this one), I´m tired of the whole existence itself. In fact the sleeping might be actually something what brings me truly unpretending happiness to my life, except the waking up part though. Still I need to stay alive till my parents leave this world after happily and vitally life spending I guess, so they don´t have to live with the knowing I´m going to follow them as soon as possible.
So if you got some tips and tricks how could I make my life little bit less unbearable till I could leave without risking somebody with be depressed because of my loss, I´d appreciate it.

Thanks a lot and advance!

 

[TheLoneWolf]

Hey Paul...

Damn man, I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish I had some good healthy advice for you. I wish there was something in this world that you felt was worth living for. Okay, you said you like sleep... sleep is nice, isn't it? At least as long as it doesn't lead to bad dreams. I know this isn't productive, but you could just try napping a lot. Not going to advocate sleeping pills because they can be harmful and habit forming, but there are some non-addictive and all natural sleep aids out there, such as melatonin.

I can't really recommend drugs and alcohol as those aren't exactly healthy coping methods...

Umm... do you like food? Exercise? Books? Movies? Music? Video games? Anything? Surely there's something in the world that you can use to pass the time with.

As for the job... I have no degree, and I started out with no experience just like everybody else. Took crappy jobs and eventually moved up to slightly less crappy jobs. That's life, I guess. At least that's how it is for those of us without any concrete career goals. You could just take odd jobs to pass the time. It will keep you busy and give you a little bit of money to spend. Though keep in mind that if you are a highly anxious and sensitive person like I am, certain jobs will stress you out and take a toll on your emotional well being... it's important to identify what sorts of work you can handle well versus what kind you can't. I learned that I don't work well with others, especially when it comes to dealing with customers, so I chose to go into a field where I work mostly independently. Couldn't stand retail... it was only a matter of time before I ended up punching a rude customer in the face and well, that probably wouldn't look so good on a resume... lol. But there are lots of entry level jobs out there for people who don't like a whole lot of social interaction with strangers... working in offices, storerooms, warehouses, etc. I stocked shelves for a while. Now I work in distribution. Night shift is even better for avoiding people... work during the hours when most people are asleep and that will spare you from having to put up with a lot of them.

 

[youRprecious!]

Hi Paul - so glad that you have reached out for some help and advice for people who understand from experience what you are going through and how you are feeling. SF is a great place to practice social interaction with other souls, even if it is 'only' via a screen..... it still connects us to the collective unconscious that relates us all in our common humanity.

Please also consider PMing people who you feel might offer you the hope you're searching for. It is totally possible to survive and get through this experience, even if at the present time you can't believe this -.... it is possible for perspectives to change. Good on you for not wanting to bring distress to your parents honey. God bless

 

[singer]

Hi paul

I am Singer, I am new here. I was really not in a very god shape these days, Much like you it sounds. Wasn't up to writing anything. But I have a few things I do/use that actually brightens up my days a little. I thought maybe you would like to check some of it out
I used to be a meditater but when your life and mind gets all messed up it gets impossible, at least for me to meditate.
So I have been trying out different form of "brainwave entrainment" (look it up if you are interested)
Basically (I hope you get my writing, I am a Norwegian so my English is not the best They are sound tracks you listen to in headphones (mostly) and it takes your mind to a meditative state without you having to do anything (although if use a mantra to the effect is even better).
It is very relaxing for both mind and body.

I am not looking for any long term healing/therapy stuff with this. This is just stuff that makes me feel better here and now.

This is my favorite these days:
"LifeFlow Project Meditation"
http://www.project-meditation.org/community/
Here is a taste on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKfNu-ieJsg

Another one is Blisscoded sound: http://www.xphirience.com/about.htm
A taste on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_a-Yh5FTaE

I was quite surprised to discover that Reiki healing actually have an effect even if played from a videofile. You could give this a try:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvuZxua_I18
(it is a 3 parter)

Another Reiki:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1ydvtAy8Hc
Use "Reiki healing" on youtube for more.

It is actually possible to become a Reiki healer only by watching videos now. very strange but it actually works for me.
http://www.healingreiki.com/reiki_master_steve_murray.html

Wish I had the money to pay for all these great things but I don`t. But there are alternatives on the internet. I am not incuringing illegal downloads just informing that it exists.

Any questions, just ask
Perhaps there is something here you could use.

Singer

 

[jimk]

hi Paul and welcome to Sf's.. we do understand and lot of us have been wehre you are now.. we really have.. many of us are doing better now.. this is possibl efor you too sir.. many professionals in the psychiatric care business do this cause they really do want to help others.. few that are in it for the money but not that many..

think you need to revise your feelings about gettting sojme professional help for yourself. saved my life.. horrible depression can often be helped with meds.. takes awhile to find the right pills adn for those to take full effect.. it can feel like a ton of load has been taken off you .. also having a good professiojnal therapist can be very good.. someone who listens carefully and then with getntleness treis to help you.. would list the total list of my pschiatric aliejments but do not want to take the time.. will say i have done severe depression forever.. agorphobia (soccial anxiwty) which made me terrified to be with other people.. with some help both of these disorders and others are a ton better now..this too sir can heoppen to yo ualso..

in the meantime we have lots of froums here that have lots of posts in them from good people.. also have a chatroom which is usually occu0pied and ppl there that will talk with you.. paul i am 65 yrs old now.. at age 22 you have time to get some help with all of this.. start here and try to keep postijng some.. then approach gettting some professional help for yourself.. in the meantime sstay safe please and take some care, Jim

 

[paul1990]

Hello all and thanks for your posts,

although certain music gives me some temporary enjoyment, it isn´t unfortunately mediation music. Don´t know, maybe because it´s kinda spiritual or something, and I got these spiritual things always connected with god and religion which I don´t believe in, since I´m an atheist. Nevertheless thanks for a try Singer, at least you reminded me I got some favourite music styles on my own they can still keep me rollin´.

Jim, I´ve been thinking already about some professional help, especially if I really need to last in this world longer; but right now just need to keep my feelings in secret before my parents, because they wouldn´t even survive just the fact I even have suicidical thoughts. I must say I´m sceptical about any pills and chemical crap. Just the thought on taking some pills makes me think to avoid the suicide feeling pretty fast and on my own.

Yes Wolf, I do like the food, even though I´m picky little bit. I even do like movies, music and video games as well. And why? Because it´s escape out of reality. so I don´t need to drink or use drugs. The problem is these things costs something too and if I don´t get myself some way to finance these habits of mine, I won´t be able to last in this wonderful world long enough, will I? So that´s what bothers me a lot these days, because no matter if you have the necessary abilities or you even know some languages, no experience=almost no work. And of course I still haven´t clear idea, if any at all, about what should I do.
My social phobia isn´t like I can´t breathe just to think I have to meet people or something, but I really suck basically on anything what requires succesful social contact, like greetings, asking how are you, pretending or showing enough even when I really do care how´s somebody doing, choosing interesting topics or choosing some topics at all, shaking hands, hugging, saying goodbye (especially this one) and last, but not least: I´m unable to make any moral support in case someone´s not doing well. I just don´t know what to do at that moment. Basically I could summ this up as an unability to get myself into personal contact with people. This I partially created myself by self isolation through my hobbies and my environment during my childhood and schooldays. It´s not an easy living being shy kid, with glasses, who doesn´t get all those sexual jokes and especially if you look older kids than the other. I still remember how everyone thought I was mentally disabled or something ´cause I was just taller and looked way too older above my age.
But enough with excuses. School´s over for me after the graduation, even though I realize how badly should I study some college, but like I know which direction should I take myself. The more I´m writing about it makes me actually want to take myself that suiced way again, so I should probably stop, although stopping it will just make me go to out of the reality escape via all that staff mentioned above. Like living in some vicious circle, for real.

Wel, to show myself as a man of my word, I´m truly leaving for now anyway. I felt mainly good to make some respond on your responds´n tricks, although it probably turned into bitching about my problems, but hey... "feel free to post forum comments" can eventually resault shit like this.

By for now folks. I´ll be back... maybe.*
Paul




*Just kidding. Got still someone I care about at least enough not to bring them into sadeness.