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Help/advice needed.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by MightyMatt, Nov 3, 2010.

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  1. MightyMatt

    MightyMatt Well-Known Member

    Hey everyone!

    I'm in a bit of a predicament and would very much like some advice if at all possible.

    It will be two weeks tomorrow that I made an attempt... It was my first time and I failed miserably. I managed to pick myself up from this and muddle on. I still haven't told anybody close to me about this and I'm not sure I can... They would only feel disappointed in me and to be honest I hate the feeling that I've let people down.

    I'll not bore you with the details of how I got to this point... I'm sure you have your own problems/have heard it all before anyway. Lets keep it simple and say I've been down on my luck for a long period... Obviously it hasn't all been 'depression hell' in that time... I have my good and bad days... i would say the past couple of years have been pretty rough though.

    Anyway back to the point... The day I tried to 'end it' I'd had a bad day at work. My boss took me aside and told me that my 'creative productivity' for the past few months wasn't up to scratch and that if I didn't start to improve they would have no choice but to end my professional relationship with them.
    I was heartbroken as you can imagine. My job means everything to me.

    Only a few days before I'd told my boss that I had been struggling and that I had recently started EDMR therapy to help my situation. My state of mind wasn't great at the time and because I'd had such a hard time I just accepted that I was definitely going to lose my job. I went home made a noose and that was it... It really was as straight forward as that... I didn't think twice. Anyway, as you know it didn't work and i made a real mess of things.

    I decided to take things easy for awhile and just concentrate on work and try to improve things in the work studio... I've done this for the past two weeks and things have improved a hell of a lot but now here is my fear...

    I'm due to begin training again tomorrow (I'm an amateur boxer). I've missed it terribly over the last couple of weeks... it makes me feel good about myself and I feel as though I'm doing something good for me. I don't have many things to look forward to and i really don't want to give it up... I just don't want it to start affecting work... I train pretty hard and it takes up a lot of my time... I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to manage it like I used to. I'm really getting upset about it. is there anybody out there who also has a busy lifestyle that could offer advice on how manage/cope this sort of thing? The reason I ask is because i can feel a down period coming on and I really cant think straight when I'm like this... I don't want to end up with a rope around my neck again.

    Sorry for the rambling post I kept it as short as I could.

    Oh one more thing... should I tell my therapist about my attempt? I need to get it off my chest but at the same time I don't want to end up locked away. Would a therapist have the power to do this?

  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hey Matt..just spotted this post..
    i think you should tell your therapist about the attempt so they can help you the best they can..If they don't know how serious you are about suicide they can't offer the right support..
    maybe talk to your therapist about the boxing too....good luck!
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Hi Matt,
    You don't say what your job is but if you're living in the UK then you're covered by the DDA and work cannot dismiss you without making 'reasonable adjustments'. If you'd like to pm me with more details I can give you more advice on this. (Part of my job is employment law)
    There are also a lot of things that you can do about time management, so don't be so worried about that.
    You should definitely tell your therapist about the attempt. You can't expect them to help you without all the information.
    I have to go out this afternoon but I'll be back later this evening if you need to talk.
    Sending hugs, x
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