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Help and advice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Racheldolly, Jan 30, 2016.

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  1. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    I am in total crisis, Im not a good person and make bad judjments when I drink. I now feel like I cannot cope with life. I suffer from OCD and anxiety. Can anybody help me?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Rachel, I cannot drink either for that reason, I can't control myself, and do things I wouldn't normally do. What have you done that is so bad this time round? Would you consider giving up alcohol, you don't need to drink alcohol to have a good social life. I also suffer with anxiety so I can greatly sympathize, are you getting professional help? Please tell us more and we will try and help you with your crisis. Big hugs to you ((hugs))
    2 people like this.
  3. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    Thank you. I can't go out and not drink and last night I just drank way to much and slept with someone. It's awful and I have felt so guilty all day for it.

    Thank you for undersranding. Do you still go out but just not drink? I am thinking of just not going out ever again now.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Don't be so extreme about never going out again!! Yes I do occasionally go to the bar and do not drink and have as much fun as I would if I were drinking the plus side being I don't wake up and say to myself omg what have i done last night.

    Yes what you did was a drunken mistake, but so many people make drunken mistakes and don't learn from them. Learn from it by quitting the booze now so you don't make the same mistake again. The last time I drank I hit a bully I had in high school, and I didn't leave the house for about a week as I made a show of myself screaming etc thank god I don't remember it too well. Other drunken memories I have are sleeping will random strangers, I was lucky I was safe considering they were strangers. I hope you decide to quit the booze for good like I did. You can still have fun without it, I am sorry you made a mistake and there is only one thing you can do now, learn from it. The guilt will pass but you have to remember how you feel right now to deter you from the alcohol!

    Hugs to you Rachel!!
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  5. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    Thank you Petal.

    I will stop the alcohol now because I want to make a change and not ever act like that again.

    The thing is I can never go out and not drink so I think I would rather just skip nights out all together. Do
    You feel a lot better for it?

    I have slept with a lot of people when I was younger and most of them were because I was drunk. I hate it About myself but I did it again last night. I just do not want to even be in that position again so I will take your advise and stop drinking.

    Did you make many mistakes?
  6. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Cooee again, Rachel!
    There is nothing wrong with enjoying an evening out, having a few drinks - like I said to you earlier, it is just knowing your limit and having the self control to stick within that limit you know you can handle.
    A drunken mistake means very little, believe me and it is far better to make a drunken mistake than a sober one! Goodness knows I have made my fair share of mistakes while being drunk and probably everyone who has ever drunk in the whole history of alcohol has made them and a lot wirse mistakes than just having a one night stand with someone!
    If you decide you want to stop drinking altogether, that is well and fine but still, you can get out for a night on the town once in a while while your friends and still hit the pub, just as long as you order something other to drink that has no alcohol in it.
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  7. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    Thank you Moat
    I would love to be able to stop at one or two drinks but I never can. I mean if I go for a drink after work and it's a work night then it would just be one or two and then home. But for some reason when it's a weekend and I am on a night out I just drink way to much and make bad choices but then because of my OCD and anxiety I feel like it's the worst thing in the world to do the things I have done and I dwell on it and punish myself. My thoughts are that no one will love me and want to spend there life with me because I have slept with people when drunk.

    Thank you for listening and helping me guys
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I made A LOT of mistakes, some of my relatives even avoid me now as much as they can, I was away in Northern Ireland for a few months in 2010, I hit the drink heavy and slept with a lot of guys, I was drinking along with anti anxiety drugs and other medications, disaster! Never do that. Your brain goes blank and you remember nothing, complete black outs. I can't even go back and think of those moments without feeling sick. Sorry to sound like your mom, but did you use protection or get the morning after pill? I hope so!! Sorry but it's better to be safe than sorry.

    I think giving up alcohol is a great idea, my younger sister doesn't drink and my brother doesn't drink, both have great social lives so you just might be surprised that you can have a good social life without drinking. There's always non alcoholic beer too. How old are you may I ask?

    Alcohol is not for everyone, I know that first hand, I will never drink again nor will I ever miss it. It turns me into a person that I hate and I'm ashamed of.
  9. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    Oh I'm sorry to hear that. It's awful to think what alcohol can do. I am on anti anxiety drugs to and I think it makes me a lot worse to drinking when I take them. How long have you not drunk for now?
    I need to just stop drinking now because it is the route to all of my problems.
    I am 28, I did use protection but I will go and get checked anyhow as I worry about Sti's (another OCD thought).
    I hate myself and the person I turn in to when I'm drunk. I say awful things and I make poor stupid decisions. I told my mum and sister and I cannot even look them in the eye.
    Thank you for talking to me .
  10. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    If it is a case of going away for a few drinks on a work night and out for a few on the weekend, have you tried to make yourself think that every time you are out drinking, tomorrow is an important work day? Sometimes that helps - I have a friend who used to do that and it seemed to work for her, before she quit the drink for health reasons.
    It is pretty common in most people to feel like punish yourself for an error in judgement especially where alcohol is involved, but remember that it is not just the drink that is impairing your judgement during that time and makes you think some choices are great when in reality you would not do them otherwise, but it is nothing to beat yourself up over. The guilt will pass, as petal said and there is nothing wrong at all with a one night stand here and there, if it makes you feel good at the time.Had a few of them myself, but thinking no one will ever love you for just being yourself when not drinking is not healthy. You really just have not found the right person for you yet. Have some patience, there is no rush to find love; it will happen eventually. I still have not found the right person for me yet and I am 34 but not letting it bother me. What happens, happens in its own rightful time and place. :)
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm 26, I stopped drinking in 2014, before that I hadn't drank since about 2010. A month ago I had 3 pints but nothing happened, I just had self control and stopped. Yeah, it hurts that some of my aunts and cousins think very little of me due to decisions I made when drunk. my godmother even stated that if i got pregnant it would be a lottery as to who the daddy was, that made me feel suicidal as you can imagine but that was then, nowadays i do not suffer with depression any longer thanks to therapy and medications. I'm glad you took precautions even when drunk, shows you do have some responsibility, fair play to you for that. I turn violent when I am drunk or so drunk I don't know what I am doing. Giving up drink was the best decision I have ever made. I just cannot tolerate it at all. I wish I could erase these dark thoughts and memories but I just have to live and learn.
    4 people like this.
  12. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    It's good that you had 3 pints and stopped, you should feel proud for that. I wish I could do that but if I stay out the whole night I just don't stop drinking and it lands me to do stupid things and feel disgusting in the morning.
    I am going to take your advise and give it up completely.

    I understand how you feel about the dark memories. I have a lot of awful memories of doing stuff and sleeping with people when I was drunk and I always hated my past but it now feels like I am living it again and I feel like I've let myself down.

    I just want to start again with out ever feeling the way I do now.
  13. Racheldolly

    Racheldolly Member

    Thank you Moat.
    I have not tried that before I could but I don't know if it would work. I just feel like I am so much better to not drink alcohol at all.

    I just feel awful and unloveable. Broken I guess. Society leads me to believe if you sleep with a lot of people then your not a good person and I feel ashamed.

    I will forgive myself I just feel awful. Thank you for your help.
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