Help appreciated please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Down in the gutter, Jun 5, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. I have had suicide tendances for a number of years, I joined this site funnily in 2010 when I was going through a dark period.
    I ask myself why I feel so down and depressed when I have a lovely wife, two beautiful daughters that are the world to me and a good lifestyle.
    I earn more than most people but I sit at my desk and am bored rigid. Friends say how lucky I am but I am on a treadmill of life and I can't seem to get off!
    I know I can change jobs but realistically I camnit without having to sell up and disrupt everyone!
    I did try back in 2010 but obviously failed in my attempt and have since kept my feelings and depression to myself.
    On the outside I am the life and soul but I feel so empty and wish that something does happen to me and takes it out of my hands.
    The feeling of despair has steadily crept back and I am really struggling. I keep thinking about whst impact it would have in my family especially the girls (12) and that has held me back.
    I am feeling more and more alone with myself and even though I know how badly it would effect them, I still can't help but slowly edge myself to destruction.
    I am not d
    Sure why I am writing this, perhaps looking for that magic answe that will solve everything.
    Thanks for listening
     
  2. Sandyp

    Sandyp New Member

    Hi
    I've just joined this site, and like you, am looking for some answers. I had stopped taking my SSRIs, and fell into a black hole, but have just started to retake them. They haven't kicked in yet. Can I ask if you are taking any?
     
  3. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    Hi Gozohead,

    I too have searched for the "magic answer" but if there is one, I haven't found it either. Does your wife know about the extent of your dark thoughts? I would confide in her, if you haven't already. And although your little girls likely do not know that you suffer, you can take comfort in the fact that someday, when they are older and can better understand such things, will be very proud of you for enduring so much to keep their life in balance. I think you should take pride in this every day.
     
  4. Hi Gozohead,
    I really wish that there was a magic answer, but the reality is that the way to get better is to find some support from people who you can trust and to explore different treatment options for depression.Your girls and your wife need you to keep on fighting.
     
  5. Good morning Sandyp.
    I was on medication some years ago (like 17) when I got divorced and it nearly drove me over the edge!)
    I am not on anything now and Also have not been to my doctors since as if I did do something to myself and it was noted down I was seeing a Dr for depression then I doubt that my life insurance would pay out?
    (My thoughts being that if it was made to look like an accident then they would pay out but not if they could say I was depressed!)
    Thanks for the reply
     
  6. Hi there,
    Thanks for your reply.
    No she doesn't know. I hide it well but cracks are appearing in our relationship and that is quite sad really.
     
  7. Hi there,
    Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.
    I have been to see a few people to talk through my feelings but at the end of the day I feel that nothing really changes ( although something must have worked as I am still here! (I am probably talking rubbish!)
    I don't know if other people feel the same but it is as if I want to have a life threatning cancer. I can honestly say that if I went to the Dr and was told that I would be relieved. I know that sounds bad but I would get out of having to do something myself and also know that it will give me a sense of relief!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.