I don’t know who to talk to. THIS MAY SEEM TRIVIAL PROBLEMS TO SOME BUT THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME I’m Mike, 24 and a successful DJ for the last 8 years. I also run my own graphic design business. But right now I wish I wasn’t here. My girlfriend has just left me. She was the girl of my dreams, the girl I’d fancied since I was 11. She lied to me several times, broke my trust but still I fought on to keep us together, despite everyone saying I should just leave her. We also wen through a miscarriage which was horrible – devastating. I am absolutely heartbroken she has gone, she was all I had (aside my mum and sister) and meant everything to me. I can’t describe how unbelievably in love I am with her but she doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t trust her. It’s tearing me apart. Last year in October I was dumped from a 4 year relationship where we had a house and 2 cats together and I thought we were very happy – I was dumped 3 days before I was about to propose to her. I thought everything was finally great. My work got blamed, I was doing 80 hours in 6 days each week. I ended up being prescribed a course of Diazepan to get myself out of depression. I twice tried to take my life and I am that sick of it all now I feel like trying again. I feel so low all the time, I can’t sleep or eat properly. Yet when I am performing as a DJ nobody notices – I was the youngest pro DJ in the North West to be working regularly at the top level, a model professional who always plays a cracking gig. I never let this affect my work because it’s not fair on people who pay good money to be entertained. I love my job but I hate it as well because it causes such bad relationship problems. But I couldn’t survive without it, as though I crave the attention. A friend said to me I’m like a small scale Robbie Williams which I of course laughed off. I don’t have many close friends – 2 to be exact and they don’t live near me anymore. I find when I’m not working I’m sat alone, no-one is here or ever available because of my working hours. I’m smoking more, drinking more and losing hundreds gambling but I can’t seem to stop. I suffer with Atrial Fibrilation – irregular heartbeats – and the condition is getting worse but I can’t stop what I’m doing, as though I am getting pleasure out of it at the time. My heart condition stems from boozing and red bull. Earlier this year I had to be put to sleep and de-fibriliated in hospital after a particular bender when I was feeling really down. I have an amazing job, people say I’m good looking and funny but I am so down and out inside but I cant talk to anyone. My father left 10 years ago and since then I went from a high flying academic student to going completely off the rails. I did a lot of bad stuff in the first few years after he left. I was tipped to go to university to get an amazing degree, yet I ended up working part time in a supermarket – not that theres anything wrong with that for some people. The only constant in my life the last few years has been my DJ work. I can seem incredibly high and on top of everything when put into a entertainment situation. But away from that, when it’s just me I hate my life and myself and I don’t know what to do anymore. I just know I am feeling more and more like I don’t want to be here. Reading this back through it sounds pretty pathetic, but I just can’t describe how bad a lot of the last few years have been, not unless you actually knew me. I’m sick to the back teeth of getting hurt, sick of being in debt, sick of being stuck at home a lot of the time on my own. I seem to get walked all over a lot, like I’m an easy touch. I’ve just had enough. People say you’re young and have everything to live for but I have been so unhappy for so long I forget what it feels like to feel truly happy. I'm sick of crying, sick of feeling like so horrendous, sick of it all. And to top it all my car broke down yesterday and it’s £1500 to fix. Money I don’t have. I hope that describes it enough. Thank you for your time.