Help for an anonymous friend! Racing against time

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by saralee, Dec 17, 2012.

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  1. saralee

    saralee Member

    I met a person on an anonymous site who revealed that they planned to kill themselves on a date in the very near future. They have a detailed plan and I completely believe that they will go through with the suicide if nothing is done. I managed to get this person to give me contact information (in the form of an anonymous gmail account), and they have agreed to chat again at least once more before the planned suicide. I've also been emailing them with silly questions/conversation topics just to try to distract them from their singular focus on depression and ending their life.

    I am really scared that this person will kill themselves and I feel like the only person with the power to do anything, as I'm the only one who's aware of the suicide. They won't easily reveal any personal information that I could use to notify the authorities, as they are aware of that strategy. The only thing that gives me hope that I can help them at all is that they set a date for their suicide rather than just doing it immediately. Does anyone have any advice about how I can approach this complicated situation?
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Try to find out from them who, in real life (not just online), they trust. A relative, a teacher, or a friend. Then see if you can convince them to share their plan with that person that they trust. It is very likely that you won't be able to get them to reveal themselves to you, and even if they did there isn't a whole lot you could do even if you had a real name or contact information. Your best bet is in convincing them to confide in someone IN PERSON. I hope you are successful.
  3. saralee

    saralee Member

    Unfortunately, I don't think they trust anyone in real life--they sound very isolated from friends and didn't seem to have much trust in their family. I will try, however. Any other advice?
  4. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    not sure who you would contact...but i wonder if you could contact the creators of gmail...they might have contact information for this person. maybe tell them how much they mean to you...obviously they had some impact on you...its nice to know someone cares. plus give them the number of suicide hotline....maybe suggest to them they come to this site. i wish the best for them and you...i too hope you are successful.
  5. saralee

    saralee Member

    We talked again last night. I floated the idea of having her tell her only friend about her plan. She will be seeing this friend the day before she dies. It will be the first time seeing this friend in a few years. However, she flatly rejected it.

    I'm losing hope that I will be able to have any impact at all. We talked for a long time and I kept trying to convince her to push back the date, but she is very wedded to the idea of doing it then. She wants to commit suicide on the eve of her 20th birthday, so that her family can always remember her as an innocent teenager.

    She said she suffers from BDD, but would not identify the feature which caused her such distress. There is a mixture of other mental illnesses in play, but the BDD seems significant because she won't reveal the cause and she seems especially despondent about that.

    I fear I have irreparably damaged our already tenuous relationship, as at some point during the night, I let my frustration get the better of me and voiced it towards her, causing her to tell me she regretted speaking to me and suggest that maybe we stop speaking anymore. I'm not exactly sure what I did to produce that reaction but I can feel that she wants to pull away completely. I apologized and asked if we could talk again, but it's not a sure thing.

    Talking to a person who has resolved to commit suicide is really hard. She has put up walls, and from the outside it seems like she doesn't want to get better. She treats me coldly and callously at times, and I feel like nothing I say or suggest is reaching her. Yesterday, she told me that, since we started talking, she has actually become more certain that she should kill herself. I am honestly struggling a lot emotionally with this situation, and pretty much cry for the entire time that we talk, and after. I am also afraid that I'm being traumatized and that if she kills herself I might start to blame myself or feel depressed.

    What started as a difficult situation has gotten a lot more challenging :(
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Can you see if she will come here and talk to us? Although we cannot locate her, we can provide caring and support and share the responsibility? And yes, this is one of the most fragile dances you will ever have to do in life...please PM me or someone on staff if you would like support for yourself...if you look towards the bottom of the homepage you will see who is online
  7. saralee

    saralee Member

    She doesn't want to talk anymore. Really devastated, but I told her I will wait anyway. More later.
  8. Butterflyaway

    Butterflyaway Active Member

    You have done so much for this person. She is a stranger to you yet you have given her someone to talk to, let her open up, share her thoughts and plans, been someone she can be honest with.

    Whatever happens, you have been her friend when she needed one. Also remember you are not to blame for what someone else does or doesn’t do – that is their decision. I hope that just knowing that someone cares will make a difference to her plans.
  9. saralee

    saralee Member

    I feel a little better about the whole thing. I think I have been written off. She told me our conversations didn't matter to her and were just a way to pass the time, and that I was "overstepping lines" by asking others for advice about her situation. I am continuing to make myself available, and will continue to send emails until the date but there's only so much I can do. I hope that she somehow changes her mind.
  10. TheDayThatNeverComes

    TheDayThatNeverComes Active Member

    I have an idea that is sure to work. You havent mentioned wheter she's catholic or not,but it doesnt really matter. Have her listen to the tapes of anneliese michel's exorcisms.thats a taste of beyond,she wont like will most definitely stop her from attempting's all over the web,no problem finding it. Just dont listen to it yourself though,it's so horrible that the only justified exposure to it is stopping one from killing themselves.
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