Help For My Friend

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ash_wanderer, Oct 17, 2011.

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  1. ash_wanderer

    ash_wanderer Member

    Okay, so I have been put in a situation where I really don't know what to do. Here a little bit of a back story: My best friend (Crystal) lived with her younger sister (Amber) while their parents were working in Europe. Amber is the type of person that craves attention, even negative attention, and she would argue with Crystal all the time. Finally, Crystal got fed up with the arguing and moved out. Amber's response was that Crystal didn't love her and that she was leaving her and she didn't want to be her sister anymore. Crystal tried to explain that she was leaving her, she just couldn't live with her (but if you knew Amber, this assurance would be pretty pointless). A few days after this argument, Crystal received a text from a boy that Amber had strict sexual relations with. I was there when she received the texts and basically he said that Amber had texted him to come get the pets because she was going to commit suicide. He said he couldn't get there until almost an hour later and she was sitting at the top of the stairs with a rope around her neck. The top of the stairs is high enough to hang yourself. We weren't sure if this was an actual attempt because she had waited until the boy got there and since it took that long, we figured this was another cry for attention. Crystal told me that right now she would almost be pissed that Amber would commit suicide because "she would be left to clean up the mess, like everything else." I understand that Crystal feels numbs towards Amber because Amber was emotionally abusing Crystal, but for Crystal to be so numb towards a possible suicide attempt....it really concerns me. I have been friends with Crystal for 7 years and know them both quite well. I just don't know what to do about Amber because it doesn't seem like Crystal is going to do anything. I'm just worried about Amber's well-being because she's almost my little sister too. I've brainstormed with a couple people and I guess you cannot have someone committed unless they were actually caught in an attempt of suicide? But we also have proof of the texts that her lover sent and I am just at a loss and don't know who to talk to about this. I don't even know if Crystal has told her parents (but this texting just happened yesterday). I just really don't want to stand by and watch Crystal do nothing and something actually does happen, because even in cries for attention, accidents can happen. Any ideas on who I could contact or talk to...I know I'm just a bystander, but I have to try.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya Ash-wanderer. What a sad situation. :(

    It sounds like Amber is reaching out for help. Could you talk to Crystal alone, and say you think maybe Amber really needs some help? Or talk to Amber alone and encourage her to see a counsellor or doctor? Or perhaps better to talk to both Crystal and Amber together (so no one feels like you're going behind their back)?

    I don't have a sense of your ages. If you are in high school, another alternative is to talk to a school counsellor. Also a possibility: Do you know if Crystal and Amber belong to a religious organization - is there a person at the church/temple/synagogue that Crystal and Amber could speak with?

    You also need to take care of yourself, as this is undoubtedly stressful and upsetting for you as well. I hope you can get some help in place for both of your friends and I'm glad you came here because you'll find support for yourself here. :hug:
     
  3. ash_wanderer

    ash_wanderer Member

    Crystal and I are both 22 and Amber is 18. I don't feel like I can talk to Crystal about it because she is already stressed out and when all of this happened, she asked me why she couldn't have just one fun day without having to deal with Amber's crap. I thought about talking to Amber, but she is so sensitive I don't know how to approach it. She is the kind of person that turns it around to make you feel guilty and if you call her on it, she will leave the situation. I really don't want to make matters worse...I've thought about sending her an email as well, maybe just telling her that I am there for her if she needs me, but then I think that is impersonal. I'm very torn on what to do. There is no religious group, they have a hindu-christian background, but none of the family ever went to church or anything. I know Amber is in college, but it's such a big campus I don't know if they'll pull her aside.
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think everyone needs friends who will be there for us - especially if we are going through a hard time.

    What are you unsure of in talking to Amber? Just talking to her or raising the issue of suicide? Honesty should be OK, imo. You've heard from her bf that she was thinking of suicide and you are worried about her. You want her to know that you're there for her if she ever feels that badly. Make sure she has your number and the numbers for the crisis line. You might also encourage her to seek some professional support through her college health and counselling services. You could even offer to go with her for the first appointment if that helps her.

    Your being her friend when she's down and stressed is a very good beginning. She's lucky to know you. :hug:
     
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