Help getting over my ex-gf.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by exkend, Sep 22, 2012.

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  1. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Hello, I broke up with my ex in May. I have tried repeatedly to get back with her, I've told her I love her several times. I work with her as well, which has made it very difficult. I went for a drink and chat with her a few days ago and I could tell she still has feelings for me but refuses to admit them. I kissed her twice. She is/was a very important attachment figure to me and am finding it incredibly difficult to let go. I should add my father passed away two months before we broke up and that we had an abortion around the same time. I know that the best thing to do would be to let go but I have no one else. All my dreams of being married and having a family have disappeared, I am experiencing ptsd like symptoms and keep re-experiencing events over and over again, which you can imagine is torturous. When she left, I understood that I lost half my family right there. It was enough for me to decide that I could not live. Yet some how I have been fighting with every fiber of my being to stay alive. But I'm still ambivalent.
    I would appreciated any wisdom or shared experiences from any of you kind souls out there.
    Thank you
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry you are suffering so much hun. You are grieving the loss of what might have been hun. Keep talking to us ok it is normal to be sad hun that ok but if your depression gets worse talk to you doc ok get some therapy to help you hugs
     
  3. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    I think you know what to do but it is easy to know something but doing it is another thing altogether. I would guess all your begging is making her not want you more. Try showing her your moving on and she may come back. Begging is a big turnoff and rarely works. Have you tried dating again?
     
  4. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Kind of. I had a fling with a girl and that just made me feel worse, so I decided to stay away from other girls until I got myself sorted out(if possible). I guess your right I just have to tolerate the pain and get use to not having her in my life.
     
  5. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Its normal. I lost my ex who has 2 children of mine. Killed me... Still does. I think the pain and hurt is the payoff for all the good times. Try to move on... then she might see what she lost.
     
  6. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    It tortures me that she doesn't want to be with me. I can't find a way to let go. Any advise would be very helpful, how did you cope? Thanks by the way for your input.
     
  7. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Well I never coped very well at all... Thats how I ended up here :) time heals this.

    The most important thing to know is what your feeling is normal. Begging or going crazy will drive her away more. You need to act like its not effecting you as no one is attracted to a mess. But the best advice I can give is feel the pain and get over her. It wont be easy... But one day you will wonder what you ever liked about her. Hurting is normal :) sad but true.
     
  8. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    Sir, ive been exactly where you are right now.i broke down and cried and begged in a crowd of people.i made myself the fool and i didnt care.its been over a year since she left and though ill never admit, that girl will always hold a piece of myself heart.i hate myself for it but it happens.you will always care, but it does get better with time.i promise you that.the only thing i can recommend is leave it be..you have to be strong or you will end uo in the same boat at a later date.dont just try to pretend she isnt there, act as if she isnt.smile laugh and love.go out with others, find a new hobby, workout, anything and everything you can to pass the time that doesnt involve her.seeing you better off withouth her will drive her insane.if she doesnt realize her mistake and come begging for you back, then someone who is worth it will.at that point the ball is in your court.you can then make the decision on whether its worth pursuing and that sje was worth the effort, or that its the familiarity you are having trouble letting go of.best of luck and my condolences for the loss of your father.nick
     
  9. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for the replies. I think my problem is that I have transfered the importance of my father as an attachment figure onto her. So I constantly grieve her when I need to be grieving my father. Another thing is that if we had the baby and somehow stuck it through, when would have been the next crisis and breakup? She would have always left, if not now then certainly later and I have to remind myself that it was a blessing in disguise that it happened this way and not with children. And yet I am torn apart inside. I understand my isolation plays a huge part in her remaining an attachment figure. I know I must work on creating other relationships who can fulfill my emotional needs, but I have no money and feel completely inept. My only comfort right know is to read, cry and hangout on this site. Again thanks.
     
  10. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    I can also relate to the isolation and money issues.shit job and years of abuse.i have a favor ti ask.wake up early and watch the sunrise then go for a walk.take some time to center yourself.beauty and peace surround you.you just have to clear your mind enough to enjoy it.pining over me ex almost ended me.iit drove mw back tp my old habits which i wont mention.but i have since met the most wonderful lady that could be found.even feeling that i dont deserve her, i realize just how much im valued as a person.you too can find the same.give yourself time.but dwell on the past for too long with cause you to waste your future..we all have a set amount of time on this earth and we have no idea how much.love and money can be found and replaced.your time cannot.learn from my mistakes i
     
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