Help! he's 9...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by lovemyboy, Oct 20, 2009.

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  1. lovemyboy

    lovemyboy Guest

    Single mom with a 9 year old boy. Son does not know his father (may never). Son has been taking medication for ADHD for a year and a 1/2, does remarkabley better in school while on meds. Doesn't have many friends where we live, or at school. He's very social, but has very low self esteem. Sometimes doesn't know when to stop - gets very hyper and excited and when other children get upset with him, his feelings are instantly hurt. Has mentioned on 2 occasions that he should just kill himself. Last 4 days it has been a constant of "I don't feel good about myself" "I don't feel good about my life" "I want a chance to start my life over" etc. Small family, no siblings for mom & my parents are having health problems of their own that they are focussing on. I've made an appt with the school counsellor, but I'm literally at a loss right now.
    Any advice? Anything would be appreicated.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You are doing the right thing by going to the counselor. My only suggestion is to keep a binder with loose binder paper in it to keep a log. Always date your entries. If you've taken a note on a bit of paper, staple it to the binder paper. Always date your bits of notes too. When you get school test results or any other results or correspondence punch holes on the side and put them in date order among your notes.

    The reason for doing this is the process of getting our children help can be overwhelming. This way your notes are together with other documents and you instantly have a time line in front of you when you need to review it.

    You may want to write a page of review every so often to refer back to about what you were doing for your son. It allows you to draw conclusions and set goals.

    I raised a disabled child and when I started doing this, it was a massive relief to be able to use this information quickly.

    One more very important note: follow the steps that schools, doctors, and other professionals speak of. When you do this (and it's in your notes), the professionals can see what has been done and to what extent. I had many say that such and such had not been done and they could not help me because of it.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I also have kept any medical records of my daughter since grade 2 she is 20 now it does help it gives doctors or other professional something to go by
    ADHD is so hard to deal with my daughter just restarted her meds for that if the ones your son is no is not helping then ask doctor to try new ones. I feel for you as i have been there watching my child cry to it is heart breaking. Go to the school and make sure the coucillor and teachers know of your sons thoughts they can get him the support he needs. They will help him deal with these emotions.
  4. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Three out of my 7 children have ADHD, and 2 have anxiety issues. I also am a single mom with no family. Relying on the community I live in is a MUST. Keeping notes on your child helps, yes! So does getting one main counselor to help you - someone who specializes in children's issues and parenting to help you coordinate between teachers, doctors, etc... That has been the best thing I have done!

    This way - I can keep focused on what is most important. There are struggles, but this way you can discern which are your issues to help him with and which are the normal upheavals that children have in moving into a new area, being in a one parent home, and developing friendships. Their friends - they have to learn to deal with and keep. I had to learn to step back (as much as I wanted to spare them and help them). The ultimate goal is to give them the tools to be happy, independent, and productive away from you and it starts now.

    Balancing the time spent as being available and validating of who he is becoming, while stepping back and letting him learn. Not always easy. Keep focusing on his strong points and give lots of positive reinforcement. That has been the best advice for my ADHD kids. Firm loving boundaries - consequences not punishment. I have found that saying to my child - that makes me sad when you did... is better than anything that might come accross as acusing. Also, alot of re-focusing on the point being discussed...When you don't do your homework, you are making a choice to do poorly. This puts your child in control, gives a chance to repair and builds the self-esteem - it is his choice. ADHD kids routinely feel that they have to oppose, and because they tend to be impulsive, don't make connections between their actions and the results.

    Just a few things I have learned over the years. Good luck - It is worth the struggle! ADHD is just a different way of thinking that makes some environments more challenging. We all have challenges of one kind or another. Don't let him think of himself as having a problem - but just as being different, and find an area he excels in. He is entering a tough age - give him as much consistency as it is possible.

    Take care of yourself, get support for yourself and you will be a better Mom.
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