Help. I am really Afraid I might crumble again..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by JohnsonT, Mar 2, 2014.

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  1. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    So this how it started, I did really really bad in my high/sec school. Having to be a below average student, Lots of college/Institute rejected me, that is the first low point for me. Then someone gave me hope, though I never met the requirement for that school. One of the senior lecturer
    gave me a hope after 20mins of interview. It took a chuck of my mothers saving for the fee!!!

    I was doing pretty well for myself and I even manage to got through an interview for an 1 year internship. I was positive at that time. After completing my internship, I was drafted into the army due to my country mandatory service to serve for 2 years.

    I was doing fine in the army, until I discovered I fail an module in my Diploma and i cant graduate unless I pass it again. At that time I was in Boot-camp, I didnt have time or mood to think about it so I ignore it!. I was doing very fine in army and pretty content But Coming close to the end of my service, It hunting me back. Its was the time I ever thought of hanging.

    Finish my 2 years of service, I'm glad I made so many great buddies and yet I so ashamed of Ignoring my problem for that long. The day i officially brought my duffel bag and all the crap home, finally end my full time service still 10 years of reservist to serve though. I thought i would be able to fix stuff once I got my freedom back, Most of my mates either going Uni or a proper job.

    I kept telling myself that I would call the college and retake my exam but I didnt. I felt so lost after 2 years of serving as my old skills and knowledge went rusty, I felt So ashamed and helpless... Didn't have any guidance and I didnt want to disappoint my mother, I didnt told her about my diploma problems. 4 months had pass..... During that time I was either trying to sleep out the day or movies crap and picture of a rod to hang myself always in my mind as I always tell myself " Oh well it life went really really really bad I could I just Neck myself.....totally isolating myself.

    Then one day I listen to my song avanstasia " in quest for ", I found a meaning in life. I took up courage to pick up the phone and call, they told me I have 2 tries one at April and June. If I fail it, I am not gonna get my Diploma. I send Few resumes too. Now this the most fragile part of my life.

    I dont know what to do if I FAIL or No company accept me..... I still have the thought in the back of my mind if everything go really really bad I could just tie a rope around my neck. I still isolated myself from my mates as I feel very ashamed....

    How do I keep my hope and strength up... I have so much hopes and things I want to achieve now.. ..

    I wasted 6 months wasting myself away, ignoring everyone...how do I reconnect to my mates been through crap with me during army.. How do get myself to be consistent ... I'm really afraid as things might crumble again...
     
  2. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    So this how it started, I did really really bad in my high/sec school. Having to be a below average student, Lots of college/Institute rejected me, that is the first low point for me. Then someone gave me hope, though I never met the requirement for that school. One of the senior lecturer
    gave me a hope after 20mins of interview. It took a chuck of my mothers saving for the fee!!!

    I was doing pretty well for myself and I even manage to got through an interview for an 1 year internship. I was positive at that time. After completing my internship, I was drafted into the army due to my country mandatory service to serve for 2 years.

    I was doing fine in the army, until I discovered I fail an module in my Diploma and i cant graduate unless I pass it again. At that time I was in Boot-camp, I didnt have time or mood to think about it so I ignore it!. I was doing very fine in army and pretty content as I only need to follow orders and not in control of my life. But Coming close to the end of my service, It hunting me back. Its was the time I ever thought of <mod edit - method>.

    Finish my 2 years of service, I'm glad I made so many great buddies and yet I so ashamed of Ignoring my problem for that long. The day i officially brought my duffel bag and all the crap home, finally end my full time service still 10 years of reservist to serve though. I thought i would be able to fix stuff once I got my freedom back, Most of my mates either going Uni or a proper job.

    I kept telling myself that I would call the college and retake my exam but I didnt. I felt so lost after 2 years of serving as my old skills and knowledge went rusty, I felt So ashamed and helpless... Didn't have any guidance and I didnt want to disappoint my mother, I didnt told her about my diploma problems. 4 months had pass..... During that time I was either trying to sleep out the day or movies crap and picture of a<mod edit- methods>always in my mind as I always tell myself " Oh well it life went really really really bad I could I just <mod edit - method> myself.....totally isolating myself.

    Then one day I listen to my song avanstasia " in quest for ", I found a meaning in life. I took up courage to pick up the phone and call, they told me I have 2 tries one at April and June. If I fail it, I am not gonna get my Diploma. I send Few resumes too. Now this the most fragile part of my life.

    I dont know what to do if I FAIL or No company accept me..... I still have the thought in the back of my mind if everything go really really bad I could just <mod edit- methods>. I still isolated myself from my mates as I feel very ashamed....

    How do I keep my hope and strength up... I have so much hopes and things I want to achieve now.. ..

    I wasted 6 months wasting myself away, ignoring everyone...how do I reconnect to my mates been through crap with me during army.. How do get myself to be consistent ... I'm really afraid as things might crumble again...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 2, 2014
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    JohnsonT, just keep trying, putting one foot in front of the other. Take one day at a time. Jobs are hard to find. Don't let the rejections get you down. They are part of the process. There is a job out there for you. The acceptance will come.

    You can also do some studying and retake the exam. It will help fill some of your time. And give you a sense of accomplishment. And 6 months wasted, don't worry about that. Six months is not that long a stretch of time. Just work towards taking advantage of the next six months.

    You can succeed.
     
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Its good to have ambitions and dreams.

    Nobody knows where they wiil take us.

    You have started and been delayed, thats all.

    You will get there. Wherever it is to be.
     
  5. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    Thank you guys. thank for reading my post.. i have so many stuff to worry .. my insurance and bank account got cancelled few months after I left my army due to insufficient fund add on to my current problem but I will try to fix my problem 1 step at a time. If I manage to overcome this challenge I will inform you if you like to know.
     
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    We definitely want to know how things go. Please keep us posted. And join us in the chat room if you would like.
     
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    try to look at this way if it helps

    you made it the first time, so you obviously have the ability - now you have to find the desire

    my daughter wanted to be a teacher but her high school years were, let's say a little rough - still wanted to be a teacher and she knew the work would be harder than anything she had been up to before - so she busted her butt worked relentlessly at it and now will start substitute teaching this week after graduating

    have no idea what you're trying for so i won't say something like it will be easy - just try to focus on your goal and be willing to do what it takes and believe that you can make it

    and let things unfold in due time - my grandmother used to tell me it was pointless to borrow trouble - work on what you can now and just do your best

    hope this helps
     
  8. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    I was aiming to be a chef, when I was 19 I got a pretty good internship in a fine dinning restaurant. Even the chef ask me if I wanted to work with him but I cant stay there due to my mandatory service for the army. I left and serve for 2 years. All I did for that pass two years is to be an infantry rifle man.. ... and now I got to redo the whole cycle again. It had been 2 years since i last work in a professional kitchen, I am not sure if they wanna hire a guy whose haven't been in the profession for the last two years... anyway Thanks for reading my post it really mean a lot. I accidentally post twice cant delete
     
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think you actually have gotten yourself int a fairly good position. Your mandatory service is done, and you have an opportunity to complete your diploma. I am sure they understand you may be a little rusty from the time away , which is why you have two tries at it. The fact you are not well connected to your mates and a social life is a big advantage right now as you have lots of time to study and prepare without all the distractions that an active social life would bring. Rather than saying you wasted time , I would say you have used the time in a way that puts you in a great position for moving forward- studying - completing diploma requirements without distractions, and settling into a job where you can make new friends or reconnect with old ones that suit your schedule and life. Your actions have distanced yourself from the past and past mates, but that is the perfect way to be prepared to move forward if you choose ot look at it from a positive direction.
     
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    ***Admin note -accidental duplicate threads have been merged into one thread***
     
  11. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    Thank you. I will try to focus on that first.. For my mates I feel the guilt though but I hope they wont just ignore me. But again thank you. I'm move forward in my life a little bit today though might be silly to some, I am opening a new bank account with what I left and getting a good trim ready for a job interview and reference exam. Brace myself for things might not turn the way I expect
     
  12. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Those are a couple great steps in moving forward - good luck with interviews and don't get down on yourself if it takes more than one try to get a job - trying to stay positive can be a big help in many areas right now for you.
     
  13. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    thanks man.. anyway I made my first progress, I receive an invitation for an interview a day after I send my resume. that get me moving :)
     
  14. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    anyway Just want to tell you guys, I got a job from my first interview. Thanks for the past encouragement. that really got some momentum moving in my life.
     
  15. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Great!! Congratulations and job well done - I am very happy for you!
     
  16. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    A job from your first interview! Absolutely outstanding!!
     
  17. JohnsonT

    JohnsonT Member

    guess I am lucky, they are really have a shortage of staff. I went through a trail for a day and got accepted. :) guess life isn't that bad. Now gonna fix my diploma problem. Thanks for listening, I really appreciate the advice and attention you people gave without judgement or doubt. I dont say this kind of thing in life but bless you guys :)
     
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