Help, I lost it and I need someone to calm me down.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Acro, Apr 22, 2011.

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  1. Acro

    Acro Active Member

    I have had a rough night, I was talking to some friends about something and then I don't know why but I asked if I had an unattractive personality. Then one of my friends who I previously liked said "Depressive personalities aren't attractive." And the other friends in the room agreed. I lost it. I started hurting myself one of the worst in months, and I want to do more, I want to hurt myself more I want to rip myself apart. I hate myself. I wish I was never born. I am so worthless, no wonder no one ever loved me. I had promised someone not to hurt myself, but I lost it. I hate myself. I want to hurt myself more. I want to kill myself slowly and torture myself. Someone help. Someone please help me. Please.
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    that was a really hurtful for her(or him) to say. i'm usually able to avoid this as I don't really speak to anyone/socialise much(if I ever do end up talking to someone, they'll just make some stupid comment about me. it's better to just leave it alone).

    do they know you suffer from depression/mental problems? or was it one of those times when they just say what ever because they're ignorant fucks? :dry:
  3. Acro

    Acro Active Member

    Obviously they knew I had depression, that's why they made the comment. I don't even want to live anymore. It hurts so much.
    I don't even know what to do, if the friend I promised not to hurt myself to, finds out they'll end up hurting themselves. I have to now lie to them. I hate this.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Self hatred is so hard to undue instead of t hrowing all those negative words at you change t hem okay say the opposite even if you don't believe the words say the opposite okay you have to start being compassionate to you
    I hate me to so much at time but what matters is we keep trying okay for ourselves for our friends Im sorry you are in so much pain i know it hurts but please try to do one kind thing for you okay just one hugs
  5. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    Hi Acro...i am so sorry that you have "friends" that would say something like this to you, more so that they know you are depressed. clearly they are ignorant ****s as previously stated, i dont want to patronise but hell...the last thing you tell a depressed person is that their illness makes them unattractive. it was thoughtless and ignorant, but please dont let them beat you down. everyone with depression will have the same thoughts as you at some time..i have asked friends the same question and get positive feedback (even tho i think they are lying) but that is easier to deal with than them saying what your friends did. i have now learned not to ask questions and that is hard...but no matter what answer you wont be happy. you are depressed..but they were still happy to meet up with you...they were perhaps being a little too blunt not realising how it would affect you.

    dont beat yourself up over this as hard as it is, and in future dont ask questions, as you will never be happy with the answer until you are in a better place :hug:
  6. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    That's such an awful thing for your "friends" to say, ESPECIALLY because they know you're depressed. A dear friend of mine (who is also depressed) was told that by her English teacher (who didn't know) and many in the class agreed.

    The idea that a person is unattractive simply because they are depressed is utter bull.

    There are people who love you. You are not worthless.

    I'm sorry you feel that you are worthless. Self-hatred is a terrible feeling :hug: I really hope things get better for you. Please stay safe!
  7. Acro

    Acro Active Member

    Thank you everyone for your responses. I have calmed down a lot, though I still feel the physical and emotional pain, I feel more logical. I wish I had held back a bit physically, I'm going to be sore for quite a while it seems. I feel relieved that I can tell someone about this, since if I told any of my online friends about my self harming issues, it'd end up making me look worse in their eyes. I try to not self harm, but sometimes I snap. So I am glad I don't have to be alone and not understood. -hugs everyone-

    Spiritxfade, I'm sorry that your friend had to suffer like that with their teacher's ignorance. No one should have to go through that, I know how horrible I felt with a few people saying that and many in the class agreeing it must've hurt and triggered them quite badly. And yes I agree, saying people are unattractive just because they are depressed, is a bunch of bull because it's not their fault they are suffering. To not like someone just because they are suffering is pathetic. The only people that care about me are my internet friends, and honestly sometimes I wonder if those even count, because maybe I don't count in their mind.

    Icequeen, I will keep it in mind. I did end up asking one of my friends to clarify what they meant when they agreed with my other friend. And I found out, they meant it in a different way than the original speaker meant it. Which made me feel relieved a bit, but I still am hurt that the original speaker would say something that mean. And it really affects my view of him as a person.

    Total Eclipse, I have tried that, I went to therapy before for my self hatred and issues. But the cognitive behavioral therapy had no effect on me, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't believe it even if I told myself it. The only thing that ever helped me believe it was "proof" and I thought I had that with my ex, until I found out he was just using me and then dumped me after my usefulness ran out. Honestly it would've been nice if my parents gave a care about me when I was little so I wouldn't have turned out like this. So much that has happened in my life has been proof of me being worthless or garbage, it'd be nice if once in my life there was proof of otherwise. I guess I'm silly for hoping for something like that.

    :hug: Thank you again everyone. I hope I don't have another trigger, because it'll be hard enough with everything else happening. I guess the fight continues.
  8. Ðisturbed03

    Ðisturbed03 Member

    I had the same issues, so I delt with it and don't hang around other people anymore except family and the doctor i see every week.

    This probably went a little to far but I hated myself that much that I couldn't keep basic friendships and I've never had a relationship.

    People are mean and judgemental.

    It seems your "friends" aren't really empathetic and should have talked to you in private.

    I hope things get better though! :)
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