Help! I need some insight :(

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by kristy1970, Jun 8, 2012.

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  1. kristy1970

    kristy1970 Active Member

    :please: I'm really embarrassed about this, but I'd appreciate any advice about the following. My almost 21 yr old daughter is in the Army. Went in right after high school and just returned from Afghanistan. She has been stinky and nasty since she joined the ARMY :eeek: ... I didn't raise my child to not take a shower!!!! I know it's normal for Basic training and even at her duty station when they go out on training exercises, they will go a few days without a shower. When she is home on leave she lets her beautiful long hair get greasy and gross and doesn't take a shower all weekend unless I MAKE her... wears the same clothes and smells horrible body odor... I have to MAKE her take her clothes off so I can disinfect them in HOT water and lysol and sometime have to wash them 2x's (spraying pits of shirts with lysol). She was in Astan for 8 months and became suicidal so they sent her home a couple of months ago. She is seeing doctors and on meds. It makes me sick and it's disgusting... I've talked to her about it and she ignores me and gets mad... any advice? She recently got married and her husband is still in Astan so she had to get an apt off post. Last year before deployment I helped them move to an apt and helped them fill out the credit papers to buy a washer/dryer and furniture and a bed. They put everything in storage included their car & truck when they deployed. My family & I drove 9 hours to Ft. Hood when she got sent back to the states to help her move her stuff into a new apt. My husband almost puked when he got in her hubby's truck to drive it to the apt... it stunk so bad and had food all over it and dip juice everywhere!!! Her car was worse. I said... hell no... and made her pay to get them detailed... they still stink... can't undo that much nasty. Her brand new furniture was stained and full of dip... never tried to clean it after spilling something. I spent an entire day steam cleaning it but it didn't do any good except help with the smell... when they put their stuff in storage... they took heavy furniture and threw it on top of their brand new matress & boxspring... ruined... so she is sleeping in a fucked up bed with a huge hole in the middle... stupid asses. everything was thrown in the storage units and NOT even put in boxes ... everything was filthy. I'm sick of this shit and told her not to ask for help moving again ... they can do it theirselves or hire someone cuz I don't want to catch an incurable disease!

    After all this shit.. I'd like to say... God Bless America and all our veterans and military :patriot:
    But that doesn't mean it's ok to be NASTY!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sounds like she is so deeply depressed hun she has no e nergy to take care of herself let alone her environment i hope her doctor gets her help she needs to give her hope back energy back to give her will to live again She does not want to be this way she needs understanding support to get well Your daughter is very sick inside her be patient ok lets hope change in medication maybe will help hun to get her motiviated again
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Lack of motivation to keep your surroundings clean and poor personal hygiene are signs of severe depression, as total eclipse said. It sounds like your daughter doesn't care about herself anymore. She has given up. She needs help, and I hope that you are able to be supportive and help her get the help that she needs. Maybe you should try taking her to a different doctor. Either way, try to be understanding and loving and supportive towards her. Nagging and criticism will only make her withdraw even further. You need to help her love herself and care about herself again. I know it's hard, dealing with us (depressed people) can be difficult at times. We can be stubborn, unmotivated, whiny, emotional and/or withdrawn. But if you love your daughter, which I'm sure that you do, you will need to find the strength to coax her out of this funk with love and understanding. This is not a time for 'tough love'. If she doesn't care about herself already, threats and insults are not going to help. I'm sure she has been through hell and back, so try to be patient with her. It will take time for her to get back to "normal" again.
  4. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Yar.. I really agree whats been written. Minus the doctor part, but perhaps that's esential here considering what she's been through.
    She needs love and understanding. And not being told.. she's needs to find that want and care again. And she'll only do that if she bridges the gaps herself. With your support. But I will be honest, her attitude is essentially making you strained. That's.. perhaps going to help in some sense, but it will repel her more than likely if you make her feel bad about her behavior. It's obvious you care about her a great deal. Tbh... she's seen and learned alot of shit about who and what we are. Alot of ways more than likely of doing things, and alot of "its ok".
    She more than likely has her own stuff on her plate, so looking after the enviornment around her? It's a projection of herself inside, or how much energy she is willing/can spend on the life outside of herself. I really don't know who she is or what she cares about, but .. it kinda stems around caring and wanting something. You may have to get to understand and know your daughter again how she wishes to share it, so you can understand why she allows herself to be like this. Even then..
    You can't change her.. but you can remind her of the better parts of life without being assualtive about it. She does need help, but just how much help she is prepared to let in is another matter. If you push too hard, or think that patience and hard hitting is going to work, ... well idk. At best, be you always, and just try to get to know her again. And if you do.. don't try to change things as she says them. She's gotta want to do that on her own, otherwise you're just taking control, and she'll break that anyday. Atleast, Im assuming she will. It's never good when you tell.
  5. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member

    You forgot the part where your daugther is only 21 , saw everything she know being turned upside down .
    Maybe as parent you have to realise , her outer shell is a reflection of how she feels inside .
    A total mess , things of happy life , there is a future of fellow human beings , there is still hope doesn't excist in her .
    Especially when all you know in life it isn't so bad , wait till you run into the true human nature of things , where survival is more important then anything else . where friend one minute means gone the next .

    If the army forced her out , it is cause they couldn't deal with it , what makes you so sure that the doctors can deal with it ?
    She really needs to be taken care off , let her do her things her own way , till she can handle what she saw and witness .
    Maybe you are the wrong parent , sorry maybe you are not informed enough what is going on in the world .

    But your daughter is in a state worst then you would ever suspect saw things that totally conflicted with everything she has known about life , she is not able to handle it when all 21 years her whole life , has become a lie .
  6. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    It's seems like she has been traumatized by something. I would ask her.
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