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Help: I really don't get it..

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I honestly don't understand. For the past couple of months my depression has got ten times worse. And my family doesn't help much, when they make fun of me constantly. The other day my mom told me she thinks I'm cutting myself, or hurting myself on purpose. I am, but ofcourse I denied it. And for the past week or two I've been telling my family I need to see somebody other than my psychiatrist. My mom agrees, but doesn't do anything about it. Anyways everyday I write a new suicide note, because I want it to be perfect. And for the last week I've been telling my mom and sister (Sara) that I'm going to kill myself. My mom just said, "you know I have to take that seriously, right?" And I told her good, you should because I mean it. And Sara just laughs and says I'm not going to do it. I keep telling them these things so that they'll get me more help. Because I really don't want to kill myself, I want help But I'm not getting the help I need or want. And I'm running out of options, and reasons not to go through with it. Seriously what am I supposed to do, so that they'll take me seriously? Blow my brains out in front of them, and have a note written out saying maybe you should have really taken me seriously?? I just really don't know how to get it through their heads that if I don't get the help soon I'm going to seriously kill myself. I dont even care anymore how much it will hurt them. Honestly I dont. They obviously don't care about me, so why the fuck should I care about them? By the way, they don't know about the cuttings, or the notes. But they don't need to know about them till I have them perfect. And when my mom said she has the to take the threats seriously, she still doesn't do anything! Which they're not threats, they're about to be promises. If my kid told me they were going to kill themselves, I would be getting them help right away. I don't know, maybe I would just care about my child more than they care about me. And I figured my mom of all people would understand since she also has severe depression and was once suicidal. Can anybody help explain this to me? Please..

I see a psychiatrist now but all he does is refill my prescriptions. And yes, I'm on two medicines for my depression. Bupropion and Invega.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi hun it is difficult for our families to understand and relate I hope you persist in getting some help from a psychologist okay get some therapy with your medication the two together works so much better at keeping the depression at bay Talk to your mom okay suggest psychologist hugs


Well-Known Member
Hang in there. It sounds like your mom does take you seriously, but isnt sure what to do. Talk to her and make an appointment to get into therapy together. Families are tough because they have a hard time accepting what is going on. They typically dont want to know people they care about are suffering.
Thank you both, I really appreciate it. And you're right, I don't think she knows how to react. Or she just doesn't want to believe that it's true. I've talked to her about therapy. And she said it would probably be ver benefical for me to go. But she says we just don't have the money for it right now. So I guess I will just have to figure something out on my own. Thank you both again.


Well-Known Member
if you are in school look into options there, a decent number of places have guidance counselors or therapists you can go to for free. look into therapists/counselors that have sliding scales, they charge different prices depending on what a family can afford. some even do it for free.

good luck
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