help..i suppose

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadiemae22, Nov 21, 2010.

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  1. sadiemae22

    sadiemae22 Member

    oh where do i start. i've always had depression and very bad anxiety. so much so that i've found myself thinking about suicide in the past. but things have gotten much worse lately. the worst part is i don't even know why. on the surface i have a great life. i live with my boyfriend who i love and i'm in college going for my dream job...but its not outweighing the negative thoughts in my mind. i've pushed all of my old friends away and have been unable to make any effort towards making any more in college. i'm dying of lonliness but can't bear to be around people. i'm making detailed plans in my mind as how to go about ending it and i'm not feeling as much guilt about others now.

    things just don't seem to be getting any easier with age. everyday i wake up and cry because i have. and i spend the day with a knot in my stomach because everything feels wrong. i'm missing college and finding myself taking painkillers to get through the day. i can't go on like this. but i don't know where else to turn. i've already gone through CBT and still have a psychiatrist. but i can't afford a private psychologist so essentially i see a hse psychiatrist for 5 min every 6 months so she can give me stronger anti depressants and send me on my way.

    and that had suited me to be honest. it ment ignoring the problem. untill the problem is now so huge that there is no avoiding it anymore. i'm usually on the other end of this email trying to help others. but right now i can't even help myself. i can't see myself lasting much longer
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...so sorry you are feeling this way...does your college have a studen health program where you can get treatment? If you are in a really bad way, you can go to an emergency room and they must treat you...can you call your pdoc and see what other medications can be prescribed? Are your parents/family aware of how you have been feeling? Maybe they can help with the cost of care...many colleges have student insurance which may be a part of your tuition...please see what options you have...also, continue to tell us how you are doing...there are ppl here who really care...welcome again, big hugs, J
     
  3. sadiemae22

    sadiemae22 Member

    yes the college has an outside councilling service but they only cover 2 sessions then its up to you to pay.

    my mam is lovely and supports all she can. she doesn't understand why i'm "so down". attempts to help her understand haven't really worked but she is trying. financially she couldn't afford to help.

    i am currently on the look out for other options. but without money they are few and far between.

    thanks for taking the time to reply
     
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