HELP! Is it my own weakness or am I just a retard?

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by ashtar, Dec 9, 2010.

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  1. ashtar

    ashtar Well-Known Member

    I grew up in a very abusive home. My parents got arrested for physical abuse many times and for assisting in sexual assaults towards me.
    They moved around a lot so I was finally free when I was 18. I'm 20 now and I feel regret and extreme sadness...
    Why do I still dream of my parents who were so abusive and horrible to me?
    Why do I still defend them?
    Why do I accept the fact that I was a victim?
    They were terrible and did things which I wont mention. They left me physically and mentally scarred for life.
    Even though I am free of them now I am getting worse. The cuts get deeper and I have terrible feelings of guilt and anger.
    Why did I allow them to damage me so much? Is it my own weaknes that left me so emotionally scarred or am I mentally challenged from birth?
    I didnt even press charges against them
    I even had contact with my mother and sister
    I even went to their house only to be abused again
    Why cant I stop being a freakin victim?
     
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Hi, I'm in no position to talk from experience here, but felt I should reply nonetheless for support. Here's my take on a few points you raise:

    You still defend them because they are your parents, family is a whole different bond to that of partners, spouses, friends, colleagues or any other kind. One that is unbreakable in the sense that you are blood. I suspect you still defend them because you'd like things to have been better, and regardless of all that's happened you still feel some form of attachment.

    There's nothing wrong with accepting that you were a victim of abuse. It was not your fault, the main thing you must do to cope is not to feel guilt for something in which you are blameless.

    I suspect you feel worse now, because although you're at university doing something you want to do, you don't feel you have the support network to fall back on should things go wrong. And you don't feel the love for your achievements and your personality that you deserve. You need to deal with the guilt and anger. The university should have a counselling service of some kind, that would be a good place to start, as well as going to talk to your GP about possible forms of anti-depressents.

    It is not your weakness that has left you these scars. You are blameless, you are their child and they were not your parents in the sense you would have deserved and expected. You can stop being a victim, but you need to deal with things and develop some coping strategies. You can do it.

    It was not your fault, remember that.

    I hope that helps, feel free to PM me.
    Much love
    Chris
     
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hey, I completely agree with Chris here. You are not weak or a retard, and you were a victim. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

    As Chris said, family is a strange bond. No matter who they are and what they do to us, they are still our family and there's a part of you that never wants to let them go.

    From my experience with my father, even though I have managed to distance myself from him to some extent, there is a part of my which still crys for his approval and respect, which is just ridiculous, but I know that it's the part of me which just wants things to have been different, and is waiting for him to change and become the father I always wanted.

    Definitely go to Student Services and get an appointment with a counsellor at uni, as you need to deal with this before the anger and guilt comsumes you and ruins your degree.

    Mim
     
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