Help me ._.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by snowtiger327, Dec 13, 2010.

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  1. snowtiger327

    snowtiger327 Member

    I don't think I'm a typical suicidal person. I'm a senior in high school, I'm in the top 4 percent of my class and I'm well on my way to at least a University of California.

    At school I smile and I laugh. People always say I'm cute, but inside I think YEAH RIGHT. I really love nature, and I would like to be a naturalist or biologist.

    That is, if I keep living.

    I don't care about becoming a statistic. I don't care if my friends and family feel sad. There's no embarrassment or any feelings for me after I'm dead. Sure I won't feel happy but at least I'll never feel sad. Please give me some good reasons to live. Right now it's just pure stubbornness that's keeping me alive.
     
  2. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    What's wrong? Why do you want to kill yourself?
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I've learned there is happiness and sadness. I know I'm going to experience both. Depression puts me on the negative side of the equation so I go to the doctor, I take my medication, I go to group therapy, and I keep things simple. I'm real good at complicating things into a worse depression.

    For all that I experience there are some things I don't want to miss out on. Now that it's been over 15 years since my last suicide attempt, I can say with all honesty that I'm glad I was here to experience certain events. I'm glad that words I have spoken have helped others.

    Right now, I belong to a small group of women that get together to knit and crochet. We are the women who are not in the mainstream. One is blind, one is 80 years old, three are learning disabled, one is brain damaged, one has COPD, all of us suffer from depression. Each of them love the connection they have with the other members because of this group.

    Even if you don't know what you are living for now, please keep in mind that you will find it.

    Please take good care of yourself. Eat right, drink enough water, and get regular sleep. Please see a doctor if you haven't already.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

    Vivian
     
  4. snowtiger327

    snowtiger327 Member

    It might be because I hate making people feel sad, mad, or anything. I NEVER want to make people feel bad. But I also want to be a world leader. And to do that, sometimes I have to disagree with people. Sometimes I have to accept that my views will make some people mad. Sometimes I have to be a little selfish and ignore their phone call to do my own homework. And that drives me insane with guilt.
     
  5. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    Trying to put this nicely... I think you need some help with getting a different perspective from a professional. Smart people often do well with counseling. Is there any way you can get your parents or your school to set up some therapy appointments for you?
     
  6. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    Infortunatus is 100% right. I'm sure you'd do great in therapy and strongly urge you to seek it out.
     
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Each of us, unknowingly or not on purpose, make someone feel 'bad'...it is just the way we are built...we cannot control how other interpret what we are saying or doing...we can only control our intentions and actions...and there is always a way to try to repair meaningful relationships...should you find someone was put off by something you said, have a talk with him/her, and show compassion to his/her position..J
     
  8. snowtiger327

    snowtiger327 Member

    I'm too ashamed of therapy. I don't want my classmates to think I'm weak. =/ Besides, some periods I really get better and it seems that my "depression" was just a phase of sadness that is typical of adolescents. How do I know that depression is a real illness? What if it's just sadness that will pass with time, when I go to college? My sad phases are mainly triggered by high school and it's commonly said that college is much better/different than high school.
     
  9. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    It's possible that you are right. But you are not a trained mental health professional. You haven't even gone to college yet. There is no "blacklist" of the names of people who went to see a counselor for advice or to see if their feelings are normal. Something completely private and confidential can be arranged. You could also consider seeing a family practice doctor because they are very familiar with depression as an illness, and you can probably get a pretty good opinion from them without having to hate yourself for having seen a counselor.
     
  10. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    (Again) Infortunatus is right, therapy is completely confidential. The only way your friends would find out is if you told them.

    Your depression could be "typical of adolescents" but re-reading what you said about suicide at the top of the thread makes me want to disagree. You shouldn't have to feel like this, if its not a phase you're just prolonging your pain. If it is a phase, therapy will get you through this part of your life much more smoothly.

    What you said about college... College might snap you out of this but it might push you deeper down into the hole you're in... I don't think college will be the panacea you're hoping for. College only slightly affected my depression in a negative way (though I'm having an atypical college experience).

    In summation! You're not a professional and you can't tell whether it's a phase or not. You deserve to feel better and I think therapy might do the trick for you. If you decide not to get therapy I strongly urge you to monitor your feelings. You seem like a smart person and I'm asking you to be highly aware of what you're thinking and know when and how to get help (and then, most importantly, to get it). I really hope you feel better.
     
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