Help me BDP

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Madmenx, Feb 10, 2015.

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  1. Madmenx

    Madmenx New Member

    At the start sorry for my english i know its not good. Many years im struggling with this disorder, im harming myself every time i get stressed, angry or blaming myself cause of my past and what i do to people cause of my split (very depressed, and feeling very normal in days of same week or month) personality. İ tried to go doctor and he thinked im just depressed. But im really sure its a misdiagnose ( or wrong diagnose). İ tried to write My symptoms and tried to cut them one by one with my friends, myself etc. But it didnt help. İ didnt went another doctor cause i dont have that much money. The doctor that diagnosed me as a depressed person gave me some drugs, told me to do sports. İ did all, im playing gitar, i do some drawings, i went swimming, i tried to think very positive with the help of my elder brother but this disorder still making me mad. İ make my close friends (especially the girls im in love with) cause i blame them for leaving me in the past, lied me etc. İ know these are normal things but the odd thing is i start to blame myself after 2 or 3 weeks of verbal fight and abondonment. İ started to dont trust people because i cant. İm always live in past. <Mod Edit:Methods> One of them my cousin was diagnosed by schzophrenia short before he suicided. İ had very bad family in my childhood. Always fighting etc. One day my father tried to stab my mother i ran to my brother he seperate them from fight cause i was too young and weak. İ always remember it there were too much violence. <Mod Edit:Methods>but i failed and it left a big scar. Anyways the post took too long sorry but i have nobody to understand my story i tried a lot but they didnt understand. İm sure i will commit suicide soon, i always see nightmares that i leap from somewhere <Mod Edit:Methods>İ truly feel that pain. İ ve got some hope from you guys to help me. Thank you for reading this, any comments and advices appreciated. Have a good day
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2015
  2. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    I wish i could tell you what would help. I am sorry you are not getting more support. How long have you been on the antidepressants? Maybe going back to the DR. and trying a different drug? Does he know about the family history of schizophrenia ?

    The good thing is you are you, not your parents. You can decide how you want to deal and act with others. You can decide to change yourself. Take small steps, do not expect everything to change all at once.
     
  3. Madmenx

    Madmenx New Member

    Thank you for the reply, i ve been on antidepressants for 1.5-2 months but i stopped to use it. I was feeling sleepy always when i used them, they are not worthy to use im sure. I dont have that money to go back to Dr. As i said i tried a lot to change my bad side(that split feelings etc.) but none of them worked. I just thinking i will suicide one day, when the fate seperate me from my one true friend
     
  4. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    All advice I can give might sound very empty.
    When you're in that state when everything is dark and when all you can do is turn back to see that black pat holding you in it's cold claws ...

    but when you're there there is no fear.
    No regret you have to keep.
    Let everything go.
    The hurt, the pain, the friend, the love, the warm and the cold ... everything you thought you know.
    You ar eyou with yourself. Get out, close your eyes and breath. Feel the rain or the cold, the sun or the wind.
    Something real and huge something strong you can trust somthing bigger than everything you've met. Stronger that those darkness and something that will remain always as it has since earth came to life.

    If you can find help either doctor, brother or lover this is good but also ... maybe you will have to be strong and find strengh somewhere else.
    I am sorry to have to tell you that. We are supposed to be on earth to love and help each other and I am sure someday you'll find someone(s) like that ... meanwhile you also have to start building yourself on you own.

    But hold on.

    Anyway meanwhile this place exists despite it's not something you can touch.
     
  5. agwoodliffe

    agwoodliffe Active Member

    Why not watch some documentaries about BPD, and see how it affects other people, and how they manage it. Should show you there are other ways apart from suicide.
     
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