Help me! I've been controlled by my jealousy.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by trinisty, Jul 30, 2015.

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  1. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Hey! It's been a long time that I haven't visit this forum. For the past few months I felt into a severe depression, the good news is I managed to put my life back together for a couple of months.

    I have a friend... I'm a guy, and she's a girl. Boy oh boy we are close like we're dating. We talk to each other on the phone everyday, we tell stories about our lives and share happiness. I'm so happy to meet her, like she's a greatest thing ever.

    As a guy, I am socially viewed to be more 'responsible'. Maybe not many people really agree on that, but I feel that way. A man needs to provide some comfort, security, and also wealth to a woman. Enough the good news, here's a bad news: my friend right there, is a great person. No I mean, really... an amazing talented famous person. She's a musician, an icon, a teacher, and also she does well in class. She's a goddess to everyone, she has a lot of fans, she makes a lot of money in her age, her story is written in a lot of newspapers, magazines, and public television. To make everything as straight as possible, she's perfect. What about me? I'm just an amateur paper cutting artist and a psychiatric patient. I really don't make much money, I'm just... an ordinary man. The only thing that I can do for her, is to be her friend.

    I'm also close to her family, heck I even feel closer to her family more than my family. Her father loves to tell everything about her daughter (she's an only child), well of course... he's a proud dad. Her dad is also amazing, making tons of relations with newspapers, public televisions, some other famous people in the government, artist, musician, and public figures. He always tells everything about her daughter, like... she's been doing a concert in front of 15,000 people, met a hollywood dancer, has so many fans, teach a lot of people about music, and bla bla bla. I'm not blaming him, well... he's telling the truth, he is really proud.

    But behind every smiles and every attention that I made to listen to what her father said, my heart broke. I feel useless, like I feel worthless, I feel so many regrets in my life. I can't even make one single success in my whole life, I'm not famous, I'm not amazing, I am... ordinary. A guy... just a plain guy. Her father once asked me, "hey, do you ever meet a person from the government?". Well I said no, but in my heart I said, "dude, I can't even put myself together! How do you expect me to meet someone like that?".

    I feel so depressed now, I always compare my life to hers. Which is not the best thing to do. I always try best to view her as my motivation. But at the moment that I fail in life, like... almost in everything, her dad's voice always haunts me. I feel like I need to be better than her, but that's just impossible. Like really, don't tell me something like "nothing is impossible, bla bla bla", it's just really plain impossible to achieve greatness like hers. I'm struggling alone in my own dreams, my parents never support me. Please help me, I don't wanna die like this. I know that she needs me to accompany her, and I don't really want to end this relationship... nor my life.

    Thank you for reading, I literally cried myself when I'm writing this.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Greatness come from withing and she see that greatness in you Material greatness means nothing ok She reaches out to you because you are someone special to her in her eyes and that is all that matters
     
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    it's okay to be ordinary person. she accepts you for who you are.
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being "ordinary". You will have other talents that may not make you famous or get paid loads of money for but are talents worth having. Instead of dwelling about how you are not as materially successful as your friend, celebrate your other successes like getting on the road to recovery from depression, having a great best friend who has a family who supports and likes you. They are the things that are important in life. Celebrate what you have in life, rather than mourn what you don't and may not ever have. That only leads to a path of misery, false hopes and unrealistic expectations.
     
  5. cold

    cold Member

    To matter to others or to be acknowledged by others is a considerable part of human nature. If one seeks to achieve this inherent feeling by doing what others want him/her to do just for the sake of feeling that he/she now matters to those people, it can be a pretty tough life to live. Suppose you work very hard and for so long to be who those people want you to be and then after all of that you realize that you don't like who you've become, how would that feel like? You'll feel like you've been living in a lie this whole time. I think you'd agree that this will not be easy to take.

    On the other hand, if one does what he/she loves to do, probably you won't be the person some people wanted you to be, but more importantly you will be acknowledged by yourself. You will be at peace with and proud of yourself. And there is a victory in that.

    So start by looking for what YOU love to do and for who YOU want to be, and if that person is ordinary in their eyes, then you sure did not lose anything.

    I wish you a serene time.
     
  6. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Hello! Thank you so much guys for reading and giving me advices. They really help me.

    Do any of you guys have any advice for me to deal with her father? I mean... of course I can listen to what he says... and it's 100% sure that he will tell everything about her daughter... again. I always try my best to be happy for her, but it seems that every time I did a small talk to her dad, this feeling of emptiness always comes back. I really don't want to go back to my psychiatry, I don't want to spend more money to solve this. I know how miserable depression is, I know how dark and empty the world from depressive point of view, and I certainly don't want to go there ever again.
     
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Find the happiness within yourself. Don't need to compare yourself to others.
     
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