Help me out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Black Wolf, Feb 28, 2010.

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  1. Black Wolf

    Black Wolf New Member

    Hello, this is my first post on a forum like this. I dont know how to start really..

    The thing is, ive been with my fiancee for 2 years now in a foreign country, and we decided that after she graduates we will move back to my country and start a life there, family and everything. Ive found her job, remade the house for 2 of us to be comfortable. Ive asked her if she really will move with me for 100 times, and she said "yes i promise" everytime.

    It was all good until 1 week ago. We were happy (ofcourse had lots of couple fights about stupid things) and everything...until she decided to start to be egoistic, and incredibly self centered. I mean, extremly self centered.
    She started to hit me really hard, yell at me in front of people, slamming me with things, slapping me.. Id dont think I did something wrong. I dont know.

    Well, 1 week ago, she told me that she doesnt want to move with me to my country, and that she found her own job. I was completely devastated. I didnt know how to react so i simply cried. I told her that i would do everything, Ill become the best person for her, just give me another chance please. I told her i cannot imagine life without her.. so she said that if i change in 4 days, that she will move with me together.

    Now 4 days are passed, and I gave my best , I really mean my BEST to satisfy her. During those 4 day, I cannot explain the pressure i was under. It was like, waiting for your final hour to come, for 4 days. I couldnt eat much, so she god mad again, started to scream at me, why Im such a baby, weakling.
    Yesterday, she said that it is impossible after all..
    She told me that she will take the job in her own country, and go overseas for 2.5 years, to work. And she said "if you will still love me after 2 years, I will move to you". So I asked, if i can meet her during 2 years, since I cannot imagine not seeing her, touching her and being near her :S.. she said NO. You cant meet me even once.
    I panicked, and begged her to rething a little. I told her not to throw away what we have, just because of a job. There are million of jobs in the world, but only 2 of us. She said ok...ill give you one more chance, but you have 1% chance of succeding. So now, I have 24 days to win her love back, and to convince her that I have changed, and that I am a good person.

    I am writing this in complete panic, so I understand it may make no sense at the moments...
    I need some advice guys, because I do not know what do to anymore.
    I wanted to cut my wrist with scissors yesterday... I swear it was so close from doing it. The only thing that kept me not doing it, is seeing my parents face if I would die. But I cannot go on like that anymore.

    I need her beside me. I need her so bad
    When im with her im at peace. I love her from the bottom of my heart,
    and im prepared to do everything.

    Reason im posting this is that.. I have no friends here.
    Noone to talk with. I want to tell this to someone so badly.
    I need someone to hug me and tell me its gonna fix out.
    Im smiling all the time, but in truth I want to rip myself inside out

    i need an advice please, my time is running out
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2010
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, I am not sure what advice to give as I am a total loser when it comes to matters of love but I wanted you to know that I am listening and reading what you have to say.

    I must say the sudden change in her attitude is strange could she be having a break down of sorts.?

    I am here so please keep writing....


    Bambi
     
  3. Black Wolf

    Black Wolf New Member

    I dont know, but Im afraid. She is starting to get distant, I can feel it.
    She was such a good girl before this. Its a ... I dont know how to describe it.
    Its like something would paint her soul from white to black.

    Lately she has been ignoring my talk, questions etc all the time.
    When I want to talk about something, she says she is tired, head hurts, etc

    I dont know why her attitude changed so much :(
    Ive been nothing but a good boy lately
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am afraid she does not want to move from her country it is to fearful perhaps

    she sounds like she may have been using you and now that it is time for a committment she has got cold feet. No one has the right to hit anyone she is showing her true colors now. Better now than when you got married Move on and find someone who will accept you for who you are not for who they want you to be. Don't fall into that trap it is obvious she is not for you .

    Tell her goodbye on to better one one who will love you no matter what take care.
     
  5. unidentifiable

    unidentifiable Well-Known Member

    i am here for you. if you ever have anything you want to talk about, i'll be here. i'll be on everyday if i can. please hold on. i care about you. i can't hug you in person, but i can give you a virtual hug (*hug!*) everything will be alright in the end
     
  6. Black Wolf

    Black Wolf New Member

    I dont believe that she isnt the one for me.
    Its all my fault
    If I wasnt over-protective it wouldnt be like this.
    If I wasnt a control freak it wouldnt come to this.

    How can i regain her trust that i have changed in every single way,
    and that I will never do a thing like this to her anymore.



    Thank you so much, you helped me out a lot already.


    I have to eat something, i need power to fight today.
     
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Are you still speaking with her?

    If you are you may be able to regain her trust my showing her you can not be so over protective and allow her to be her own individual. Maybe finding her a job was something better left to her so she would feel proud of herself. May be some time to for her to adjust to be a graduate instead of student..just some thoughts I had.

    I think the more you can show her that you a secure and have yourself together the more likely she is to find you attractive.

    Best of luck with this and keep posting it helps.

    Bambi
     
  8. Black Wolf

    Black Wolf New Member

    Im still speaking with her. Im waiting for her to return home now.

    Im trying to show her that im not over protective anymore, and that Im gonna leave her be herself no matter what.
    I pray to god, that this will do, and that it will finally tell her brain that I have changed and that its not a lie. :(

    I have been searching for couple counseling services for all the morning now.
    I found something but its extremely pricey, and Im afraid of mentioning it to her somehow. What do you think?

    Im trying to hold myself together, with last atoms of power i have.

    Do you think i should encourage her to go abroad for 2 years? I dont believe she would still love me after that time,
    if we havent met even once. And the pain id feel, seems unbareable to me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2010
  9. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    What countries are we talking about? If its any sort of South East Asian country I may be able to give you some insight from personal experience.
     
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It sounds like a very awkward situation.

    You say its all your fault, but its not your fault that she has been physically and verbally abusive. That is her responsibility.

    From everything you say, I'm wondering if something is going on for her that she has not shared with you and so you are not aware, and this has caused her complete about face and behaviour change. At the very least she needed better communication with you.

    No one can change in 4 days, so that was something she set knowing you couldn't achieve. You could start to work on changes any negative behaviours, but you can't change yourself, just some of your actions, and to fully change them takes a long time and a huge amount of self awareness.

    I think if you care as much as you say, for her, then you encourage her to do whatever it is she thinks would be best for her. That will be hard for you, but loving someone means putting their needs before your own sometimes.

    It sounds like that for now, the best thing you can do is to let her go; for both your sakes, even if you don't feel it right now. You never know what two years on might bring, but don't let her keep you hanging and waiting and keeping your life on pause. Use the time to find a life you are happy with, follow your dreams, do what you want, for you.

    I would also suggest finding yourself a therapist to help you deal with this grief because grief is horrendous. I think it could also help you deal with and process the relationship and what happened.
     
  11. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    A fast rip is always better than a slow tear.
     
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