So here's the story real quick: I talked to this girl I had a crush on online and she never saw what i looked like before. We flirted but she wanted to see what i looked like...she said she wasn't shallow but she needed to be attracted to the person which seems reasonable. So I was able to get her some pictures tonight and i left them for her, signed off, then signed back on and come to find out she's not on, not even an away message, which was rare! Come to find she blocked me. I know this for sure because I used one of those sites that see if the person is really online. Anyway, I've had Social Anxiety and Depression since I was about 13 (6 years ago), and most of my fears were irrational. I never thought I was ugly, in fact I thought I was somewhat attractive. I had never been shut down before this because I've almost never tried to get with anyone, and for a long time I've feared that something like this was coming up and it would blow me right off the path of healing. Well as I'm sitting here typing this there is blood dripping down my arm. It's not enough to kill me or anything but I just needed to "punish" myself and feel that hot pain, and it doesn't feel good but I feel like I fucking deserve it. I've been coming on this site for a while helping people whenever I can. But what I'm saying now is please help me here and support me because I feel like doing something really stupid. I told my psychiatrist last week that I had feared having a nervous breakdown big enough to land me in a hospital. And he said that it was real unlikely, especially given my success so far, and that was comforting. And today I had one of the best sessions ever with my therapist who I credit with saving my life. I am just really angry with myself and with "her" and with the way that I feel like no matter how far you come, it doesn't take shit to pull you back. It hurts. It hurts a lot.