Here's my story, my career is graphic design and we all know how difficult this career is so badly that requires two jobs and my jobs are low pay, starts off with low pay. It's going to be difficult. I'm turning 25 years old next year, I feel single and a failure. I see it as no big deal but what surrounds me, destruct it. I've been getting critics over critics and I have been putting a fake smile to see I can deal with crucial critics because I know I believe myself that's a start but I have been getting help from my social worker.
Anyways, I was told I have severe stress and physical depression because it is not about life but it is biology. I am happy with my life but what surrounds me --- at my age, seeing all get married, being the last one standing in the group and either that, I see others success. IT'S DIFFICULT TO BE CELEBRATING FOR OTHERS AND SUPPORTING THERE AND SUCH. WHILE OTHERS WERE WISHING EACH OTHER CONGRATULATIONS to each other and... sorry for the caps, I was the only one that cries behind their back. It's an ugly feeling, but I'm crying alone and because of my mental health that I use to neglect, weakened my immune system which didn't help at all, I cry so much. For so many reasons.
Cried about how lonely it has been, cried how difficult recovery is (I have cancer, yes), cried about the inevitable, the unknown if I try to race out of the others to not feel left out, I could die.
But my friends has been supportive even if they were a couple but that didn't do me any good. I feel so uncomfortable amongst all couple but I kept saying "I know they are trying their best to not make me uncomfortable too." BELIEVE ME, I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG but **floods of tears** I'M DYING INSIDE. I feel like I don't belong here and that I was told I'm just a "sick kid."
My house is peaceful. I don't feel safe when I'm in a quiet household. I live with my grandpa who can't hear. I took care of him too but the more I went alone, I design alone, yes, I'm not allowed to work that hard outside, I work at home, you get the picture, why as a patient.... so anyway, when I'm alone, I always have the thought that I want to just --- end it all. Please understand me. My friends has been worried for me when I'm alone. My family doesn't live with me, I'm an adult and my family friends and friends are all married, everyone gooneeee... Like far apart but they do support financially.
IT JUST FEELS LONELY. I CANNOT.
Anyways, I was told I have severe stress and physical depression because it is not about life but it is biology. I am happy with my life but what surrounds me --- at my age, seeing all get married, being the last one standing in the group and either that, I see others success. IT'S DIFFICULT TO BE CELEBRATING FOR OTHERS AND SUPPORTING THERE AND SUCH. WHILE OTHERS WERE WISHING EACH OTHER CONGRATULATIONS to each other and... sorry for the caps, I was the only one that cries behind their back. It's an ugly feeling, but I'm crying alone and because of my mental health that I use to neglect, weakened my immune system which didn't help at all, I cry so much. For so many reasons.
Cried about how lonely it has been, cried how difficult recovery is (I have cancer, yes), cried about the inevitable, the unknown if I try to race out of the others to not feel left out, I could die.
But my friends has been supportive even if they were a couple but that didn't do me any good. I feel so uncomfortable amongst all couple but I kept saying "I know they are trying their best to not make me uncomfortable too." BELIEVE ME, I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG but **floods of tears** I'M DYING INSIDE. I feel like I don't belong here and that I was told I'm just a "sick kid."
My house is peaceful. I don't feel safe when I'm in a quiet household. I live with my grandpa who can't hear. I took care of him too but the more I went alone, I design alone, yes, I'm not allowed to work that hard outside, I work at home, you get the picture, why as a patient.... so anyway, when I'm alone, I always have the thought that I want to just --- end it all. Please understand me. My friends has been worried for me when I'm alone. My family doesn't live with me, I'm an adult and my family friends and friends are all married, everyone gooneeee... Like far apart but they do support financially.
IT JUST FEELS LONELY. I CANNOT.