Help me please, I'm desperate (I found the right forum, I think)

HappyKitty

Works during the day, doodles at night.
#1
Here's my story, my career is graphic design and we all know how difficult this career is so badly that requires two jobs and my jobs are low pay, starts off with low pay. It's going to be difficult. I'm turning 25 years old next year, I feel single and a failure. I see it as no big deal but what surrounds me, destruct it. I've been getting critics over critics and I have been putting a fake smile to see I can deal with crucial critics because I know I believe myself that's a start but I have been getting help from my social worker.

Anyways, I was told I have severe stress and physical depression because it is not about life but it is biology. I am happy with my life but what surrounds me --- at my age, seeing all get married, being the last one standing in the group and either that, I see others success. IT'S DIFFICULT TO BE CELEBRATING FOR OTHERS AND SUPPORTING THERE AND SUCH. WHILE OTHERS WERE WISHING EACH OTHER CONGRATULATIONS to each other and... sorry for the caps, I was the only one that cries behind their back. It's an ugly feeling, but I'm crying alone and because of my mental health that I use to neglect, weakened my immune system which didn't help at all, I cry so much. For so many reasons.

Cried about how lonely it has been, cried how difficult recovery is (I have cancer, yes), cried about the inevitable, the unknown if I try to race out of the others to not feel left out, I could die.

But my friends has been supportive even if they were a couple but that didn't do me any good. I feel so uncomfortable amongst all couple but I kept saying "I know they are trying their best to not make me uncomfortable too." BELIEVE ME, I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG but **floods of tears** I'M DYING INSIDE. I feel like I don't belong here and that I was told I'm just a "sick kid."

My house is peaceful. I don't feel safe when I'm in a quiet household. I live with my grandpa who can't hear. I took care of him too but the more I went alone, I design alone, yes, I'm not allowed to work that hard outside, I work at home, you get the picture, why as a patient.... so anyway, when I'm alone, I always have the thought that I want to just --- end it all. Please understand me. My friends has been worried for me when I'm alone. My family doesn't live with me, I'm an adult and my family friends and friends are all married, everyone gooneeee... Like far apart but they do support financially.

IT JUST FEELS LONELY. I CANNOT.
 
#2
I understand that you feel lonely, I also feel so lonely. I had some girlfriends but it all went wrong.... alright but you wanna meet more people? Do you like your job? You wanna get paid more? I hope youˋll write to me soon.
 

HappyKitty

Works during the day, doodles at night.
#3
I understand that you feel lonely, I also feel so lonely. I had some girlfriends but it all went wrong.... alright but you wanna meet more people? Do you like your job? You wanna get paid more? I hope youˋll write to me soon.
yeah ive been meeting more people but it doesnt feel like to make family. i like my job but its a struggle. i just have to restart all over again, its tough. ive been crying till my eyes are swollen and feel faint from losing appetite
 

Innocent Forever

🐒🥜🍌
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Hey there
You have found the right place
I'm sorry you're struggling so much....
Do you have any professional help? Any therapists to talk to, to help you make sense of what is and isn't and what you want from your life?
I'm 24, and yes I know how tough it is to watch people moving on. Personally I don't even want to get married right now, yet it hurts that my friends are all living different lives to me.
Sending hugs your way.
 

HappyKitty

Works during the day, doodles at night.
#5
Hey there
You have found the right place
I'm sorry you're struggling so much....
Do you have any professional help? Any therapists to talk to, to help you make sense of what is and isn't and what you want from your life?
I'm 24, and yes I know how tough it is to watch people moving on. Personally I don't even want to get married right now, yet it hurts that my friends are all living different lives to me.
Sending hugs your way.
yeah getting lots of help from so many different medical teams and friends. I’ve been console/lectured alot of times, 4th times already because I’ve been crying alot outta no where. but i just feel like life about to endd

feel me brooo... when people questioned me like the way they questioned me as if they dont get that lonely feeling ever, this is why i find it hard to ever open up cuz first loneliness is embarrassing af but i finally found one friend thats trying to pull me out because he knows that there are people who could die from loneliness even if they dont do suicide but they are ruining their own health
 
#11
Here's my story, my career is graphic design and we all know how difficult this career is so badly that requires two jobs and my jobs are low pay, starts off with low pay. It's going to be difficult. I'm turning 25 years old next year, I feel single and a failure. I see it as no big deal but what surrounds me, destruct it. I've been getting critics over critics and I have been putting a fake smile to see I can deal with crucial critics because I know I believe myself that's a start but I have been getting help from my social worker.

Anyways, I was told I have severe stress and physical depression because it is not about life but it is biology. I am happy with my life but what surrounds me --- at my age, seeing all get married, being the last one standing in the group and either that, I see others success. IT'S DIFFICULT TO BE CELEBRATING FOR OTHERS AND SUPPORTING THERE AND SUCH. WHILE OTHERS WERE WISHING EACH OTHER CONGRATULATIONS to each other and... sorry for the caps, I was the only one that cries behind their back. It's an ugly feeling, but I'm crying alone and because of my mental health that I use to neglect, weakened my immune system which didn't help at all, I cry so much. For so many reasons.

Cried about how lonely it has been, cried how difficult recovery is (I have cancer, yes), cried about the inevitable, the unknown if I try to race out of the others to not feel left out, I could die.

But my friends has been supportive even if they were a couple but that didn't do me any good. I feel so uncomfortable amongst all couple but I kept saying "I know they are trying their best to not make me uncomfortable too." BELIEVE ME, I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG but **floods of tears** I'M DYING INSIDE. I feel like I don't belong here and that I was told I'm just a "sick kid."

My house is peaceful. I don't feel safe when I'm in a quiet household. I live with my grandpa who can't hear. I took care of him too but the more I went alone, I design alone, yes, I'm not allowed to work that hard outside, I work at home, you get the picture, why as a patient.... so anyway, when I'm alone, I always have the thought that I want to just --- end it all. Please understand me. My friends has been worried for me when I'm alone. My family doesn't live with me, I'm an adult and my family friends and friends are all married, everyone gooneeee... Like far apart but they do support financially.

IT JUST FEELS LONELY. I CANNOT.
my therapist tells me that i go through a circle
first is the sad feeling
second is the overdoing (i do a lot of things just to distract my mind from the bad feeling...learning, making stuff.tec)
third is the demanding voice ("do more , do better, be better"
fourth is the voice inside me that criticises me ("u don't do it well, you are stupid, u are nothing"
and the fourth enhances the bad feeling

my friend ...get away from the people that hurt u...
take care of yourself ...always...dont demand a lot from yourself because it cannot do everything that u ask of it
rest, eat well, make things that make u feel good
u will figure it out...i am sure
believe in u!
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#12
Here's my story, my career is graphic design and we all know how difficult this career is so badly that requires two jobs and my jobs are low pay, starts off with low pay. It's going to be difficult. I'm turning 25 years old next year, I feel single and a failure. I see it as no big deal but what surrounds me, destruct it. I've been getting critics over critics and I have been putting a fake smile to see I can deal with crucial critics because I know I believe myself that's a start but I have been getting help from my social worker.

Anyways, I was told I have severe stress and physical depression because it is not about life but it is biology. I am happy with my life but what surrounds me --- at my age, seeing all get married, being the last one standing in the group and either that, I see others success. IT'S DIFFICULT TO BE CELEBRATING FOR OTHERS AND SUPPORTING THERE AND SUCH. WHILE OTHERS WERE WISHING EACH OTHER CONGRATULATIONS to each other and... sorry for the caps, I was the only one that cries behind their back. It's an ugly feeling, but I'm crying alone and because of my mental health that I use to neglect, weakened my immune system which didn't help at all, I cry so much. For so many reasons.

Cried about how lonely it has been, cried how difficult recovery is (I have cancer, yes), cried about the inevitable, the unknown if I try to race out of the others to not feel left out, I could die.

But my friends has been supportive even if they were a couple but that didn't do me any good. I feel so uncomfortable amongst all couple but I kept saying "I know they are trying their best to not make me uncomfortable too." BELIEVE ME, I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG but **floods of tears** I'M DYING INSIDE. I feel like I don't belong here and that I was told I'm just a "sick kid."

My house is peaceful. I don't feel safe when I'm in a quiet household. I live with my grandpa who can't hear. I took care of him too but the more I went alone, I design alone, yes, I'm not allowed to work that hard outside, I work at home, you get the picture, why as a patient.... so anyway, when I'm alone, I always have the thought that I want to just --- end it all. Please understand me. My friends has been worried for me when I'm alone. My family doesn't live with me, I'm an adult and my family friends and friends are all married, everyone gooneeee... Like far apart but they do support financially.

IT JUST FEELS LONELY. I CANNOT.
I never saw this before HK. How are things going with you? 👽
 

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