I am 28 and have always battled mild depression I think although never sought help for it. This seems to be a bit of a pattern to do with relationships, when one ends I just crumble. I met the love of my life and now we've broken up. I am devastated and am trying to stay positive but I feel like I have nothing to live for. I cannot date again, I'm done, it's too painful and I have become a bitter miserable person so no one would want totdate me anyway. I know I should be able to be happy alone but it's been 10 years of trying and I just can't. I have come to the realisation that I'll be alone forever and never have children and I just think what's the point. I keep finding myself looking up ways to kill myself but then I'm too scared to do it because of how it will hurt my mum and friends and also the worry of what if I'm unsuccessful? I could be seriously Ill after and then hate my life even more. To an outsider I'm a happy funny girl, I would say I'm quite attractive and have a well paid job too but these demons are haunting me daily and I just don't feel like I have be ought strength to carry on anymore. I message my ex about 5 times a day even though I know he won't reply but it just brings me some weird comfort to feel like he's still there. I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to see a therapist as I 100% know I'll end up laughing and joking and brushing it off like I do with everyone else.